


Scully's Letter

by HurricaneScully



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Loss of Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 22:50:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9790637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HurricaneScully/pseuds/HurricaneScully
Summary: Scully has just returned to work after being told she can be treated in an out patient capacity for her cancer. They both know what that really mean's.  There's no cure, no treatment to save her life. She has a request for Mulder before her cancer gets the better of her.





	1. Chapter 1

# Chapter 1

 

Scully has been oddly fidgety all week. She keeps pottering around and seems busy doing nothing. She hardly talks either. Just keeps busy with pointless things. She hasn't long been cleared for duty after her release from the hospital. It's probably because she's trying to show that she can still do her job even though she has cancer.

We've only had paper work to do all week which I'm thankful for. It means we're not out in the field where she could get hurt or something and feel's the need to put on a brave face.

Today is Thursday so there's only one more day to go and I'm crossing my fingers that nothing comes up. That doesn't help with the hundreds of other days after this weekend that I want to keep her safe from, but it's a start. 

I wonder how long I can get away with just giving us bozo work? How long will it be before she realise's I'm trying to keep her in the office. She'd be livid if she knew. I just don't want her to end up getting hurt or overdoing it. I know she wouldn't tell me if she overexerted herself. She never wants me to feel like I have to protect her but I do. I *want* to and I always will.

It's a strange new feeling for me to be hoping that we don't get called away on an X-file. There isn't much chance of it really unless something big comes up. Normally we go out on cases that *I* find and although I have a list as long as my arm of things I'd like to check out, Scully comes first. So barring something from A.D Skinner we should be fine staying here. I don't know if she knows that she matters more than the X-files to me.

I'm not great at showing it and I admit that I can be really single-minded. The quest to find my sister was such an obsession that when I met Scully our relationship started off on that note and it's never progressed passed it. I guess all partnerships and relationships fall into a pattern at some point. My feelings grew exponentially but the relationship just... didn't. I wish I could find a way to tell her. To break out of this pattern.

If she knew that all other things pale in comparison to her I don't think she'd actually take it well. She too independent to be bothered having some dolt fawning over her. She doesn't want the relationship to change, especially now that she's ill. We'll see how long I can get away with keeping us in the basement. Her health is much more important than some light in the sky even if she doesn't know it. Who would ever have thought I'd think *that*.

I know her cancer is still there even if she tries to carry on as if it's not. It's still lurking and I understand that it could go so badly at any point. I can hardly stand it! The doctors said she could be treated in an out patient capacity and didn't need to be in a hospital bed so she's here.

After what she went through because of Dr Scanlon I am glad that she doesn't have to face more chemotherapy. She was in agony with it. She tried to hide is all away and put on a brave face but I know she was in more pain than someone should ever have to go through. She got to a point at one time while laying there when she just wanted to die. When she just wanted the pain to stop forever. I know she did and my heart breaks for her. It breaks for both of us. I felt, and still feel, so damn helpless! The thought of her laying there and welcoming death has had me bawling my eyes out on more than one occasion. I know she thought she wasn't going to make it out of that hospital but she did and she seems to want to just forget all about it. 

I read some of what she wrote to me when she was at her worst and she had actually apologised to *me* for the fact she was going to die. What kind of an asshole must I be that she felt the need to *apologise* to me. How must I treat her if she's more concerned about my emotions than dying. I don't know how to change that though. It makes me feel like such an utter asshole.

She told me she had decided to throw it out and that she was going to fight. I felt hope surge through me when she said that. My Scully is so strong. I think it was important to her to carry on and not give up the fight. She had been so vulnerable looking then. I gave in to something I'd always wanted to do, I hugged her tighyly. I kissed her where that fucking detestable cancer was. It just seemed like a normal friendly thing to do and she didn't shy away from it. Something natural. I wanted to kiss that tumor away. Kiss away all the pain and sadness. To kiss it all better just like mothers do to their children when they fall. I wish it was that simple. She clutched at me in her white fluffy robe and I could feel the silent strength in her even then. Even when her eyes seemed hollow, her skin ashen and her body so tiny. So small and fragile. She was unbreakable, even then, so strong. Always.

Since then she's back at work and trying to act as if nothing is wrong. Going about our business and getting more than her share of paper work done. Fluttering about with receipts, typing up reports and when she's not busy doing things on her computer then she's bustling about trying to clean up. She seems so busy but she's busy doing worthless stuff. I just want her to stop! To stop pretending! To stop trying to act as if everything is normal. I know she has to deal with this in her own way but, Jesus Christ, would it kill her to let me in a little bit.

I'm glad she is here, I really am but I'm *so* worried about her! She has cancer. Scully has *cancer*. It makes me want to weep uncontrollably and to scream at a God I dont even beleive in at the injustice of it all. She's frustrating the hell out of me with her 'I'm fine' bullshit but I *am* glad she wants to be back here with me. I just wish she'd talk to me. It's not how she is though. She's a closed book when it comes to her personal life.

I know deep down that the reason she is here and not in hospital is because there is absolutely nothing they can do. Nothing anyone could do. I know that. She's dying. Scully is *dying*.

We both know it but we don't dare speak of our shared fear. She has inoperable cancer and she's come back to work instead of coming to terms with it at home for awhile in some Scully way. Then again maybe this *is* her way of dealing. I'm putting her strange skittish behaviour down to her trying to seem 'fine' as always and soldiering on regardless.

She *has* to be terrified. Terrified of the silent invader that is slowly killing her. She'd said that if it pressed onto her brain... Christ. No, I can't think of that. I seriously can't think of her not being here. If she's not here... Well, I doubt I'd handle it. I doubt I'd even be here. She was missing for three months before and I seriously lost my shit. I tried to quit the FBI. So when I say I lost my shit I really mean it. 

I'd told her once a very long time ago that finding Samantha was all that mattered to me. How wrong that statement is now. I still yearn to find my sister, to know what happened to her all those years ago but Scully has become the *real* thing that matters, my sole reason to live.

She's become everything to me. I don't even know how it happened. My feelings for her sort of creeped up on me. One day she was the little spy sent to debunk me and the next she was my everything.

When she was abducted I just sort of broke down. That was years ago now and my feelings have definitely grown for her since then. Actually, no, I didn't break down, that implies that I felt something. I didn't. I went kind of numb. I just couldn't feel anything without her.

I'd wanted out when she was gone and that was only for three months. The one thing that kept me alive then was that I always had hope. There was always the chance that she would come back but now... If she were to... If the cancer won... If I had literally no hope that she'd come back to me I don't know what I'd do. I think I'd probably just eat my gun. Sounds dire doesn't it but my life would be a living hell without her. I couldn't go back to that cold numbness that I'd felt when she was taken.

I love her. I mean, I'm IN love with her. That's pretty obvious. I'm surprised she doesn't know or maybe she just pretends she doesn't know for the sake of keeping things uncomplicated. But... I dunno, it's more than that. I *need* her. I just don't function without her. I'd never tell her what I feel for her. Never. God forbid she left my life because she was freaked out about how much her 'Spooky' partner wanted and loved her. It's fucked up, isn't it? I *need* her and to rely on someone this much is wrong. It's too much responsibility to place on any one person.

If she just left the X files division to transfer somewhere else or became a doctor then it wouldn't be that bad. I'd atleast know she was in the world somewhere. Atleast she would still, hopefully, be my friend and she'd be happy but losing her completely to this cancer... Jesus, it doesn't bare thinking about.

If she ever found out the way I really feel about her I'd loss her friendship, I'm sure of that, and I just couldn't handle it. She'd try to keep things the way they are now but eventually we'd fall apart and I simply *cannot* let that happen. She'll never know. I couldn't deal without her in my life in some capacity and I'm more than happy to continue on the way we are. I reckon I'd just crumble, just fall apart if I didn't have atleast this. 

I'm just sitting at my desk lost in thought and I can hear her tapping away at her computer through the back. I said that I assumed that was her area when she asked me why she didn't have a desk. I feel like a dick about it now to be honest. I had so obviously upset her but I honestly didn't think it was an issue. If it had been a problem to her then surely she'd have brought it up years ago. Wouldn't she have? I still don't fully get why it upset her but again it's one of those things we just don't talk about.

Then she'd went and fucked that psycho Jerse and her cancer had been diagnosed and desk space had become the furthest thing from my mind. The thought of that asshole being with her makes me sick. Was it all because I'd upset her over a fucking desk? Was that why she'd went so out of character? Ok, so I don't know for sure that they fucked but it's kinda a no brainer, right? You don't just stay over at some random guys apartment and not bump uglies.

It was a one night stand, plain and simple. The thought makes me so irrationally angry. I have no right to be angry with her. She's not mine and it *is* her life. She reminded me of that. I was so unbearably jealous that I could hardly see straight but at the same time I felt bad for her. She finally decides to go a bit wild and let her hair down and she nearly gets killed because of it. That's pretty damn cruel.

Although perhaps it will stop her from doing it again or atleast thinking twice before she fucks someone else. That's selfish isn't it? I don't care. She's meant to be mine. Well, she's not but I want her to myself. The harsh fact is that she is *not* mine but I can't stand her being with anyone else. I'm like a pathetic little child screaming because their Mum is paying attention to their sibling instead of them.

She stops typing and I hear her stand up. I quickly push my thoughts to the side. Grab the file I'm supposed to be reading and start reading it. The familiar click of her heels on the floor sends my heart leaping. It always does but then so does everything she does. I put down the file slowly as if I was engrossed in it. I don't want her to know that I've been sitting her thinking about her for hours.

"Mulder, I'm gonna head off. I know it's early but... well, I hope it's ok with you." She says to me. I feel like a shit again. She looks really tired as she speaks. She's probably got another headache and it's got so bad that she can't ignore it any longer. They come and go and she tries her best to hide them from me but I'd have to be a total idiot not to see her taking pain killers in the office no matter how discreet she tries to be. 

"Of course, Scully. Everything ok?" I try not to sound too worried. She always seems to get pissed at me when I get too worried about her. Too personal for her I guess. 

"Umm... I... I have something for you" Her face goes beet red. I've never really seen her embarrassed before but judging by the flush on her face right now she is mortified. What the hell? I notice that she did her patented distraction technique so she doesn't have to answer my question too. I'm used to it by now. I prefer it to her saying 'I'm fine, Mulder' anyway.

"I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't discuss this with anyone. It's... uhh... extremely personal" Personal? My interest is most definitely peeked. When does Scully ever share anything personal with me? A flash of white in her hand catches my eye. It's an envolope. A letter for me? Ok, this is weird.

"Sure Scully. I wouldn't mess with you." I grin at her "I've been shot by you before remember and I can't say I cared much for it." I finish and give her what I hope is a teasing smile that'll calm her down. She's starting to look scared. I've gotta admit that seeing her like this is sending jolts of utter panic right through me. I pray to God it's not some bad news about her cancer. Please don't let it be that! 

She gives me a Mona Lisa smile, the one that I completely adore. "I... uhh... I'm taking tomorrow off, I've already had it approved. It'll give you space to... not that you need..." She sighs and puts the envolope down onto my desk. "I'll see you on Monday... or tomorrow night if..." She flushes scarlet again and trails off. What the hell is in this letter? I pick it up and go to open it. "No!" She quickly says and pushes my hands to stop me. "Sorry." She looks sheepish. "Just... wait til I leave, ok?" She asks me. Those breathtaking azure eye's pleading with my own. I nod and she turns and leaves the basement. 

I hear the elevator a few seconds later. She is gone. I rip into the envolope. I see her elegant cursive writing on the paper. Biting my lip in hopes that this isn't a goodbye letter or some awful information about her cancer that she couldn't handle telling me to my face.

"Mulder,  
I'm so sorry for writing this. Despite what you seem to think of me I really am a cowered. It's not my cancer, well, I guess it is in a way, but physically I'm fine or at least no worse than I was. I'm also certainly not leaving the X-files, or you for that matter. I knew those would be your biggest concerns and I thought it prudent to assuage them before I get started on the real reason for this letter.  
God, I'm so embarrassed about this, Mulder. I just couldn't say this to your face and I hope you can forgive me for that.  
Since I was first diagnosed with cancer I have started to think of all the things that I would miss and of all the thing's I had hoped to have achieved at this time in my life. Before you start self-deprecating it is not your fault I do not have some of the things I thought I would. It is my own fear, Mulder. It is a fear of my emotions or perhaps it's just a fear of the unknown.  
I have always given my all into everything I have wanted and ever since I was a child my primary goal has been to become financially stable and to have a fulfilling career. I feel I have achieved that goal. However, as a result of putting my career first my personal life has greatly suffered.  
I'm still a virgin, Mulder. Jesus, I really just wrote that. I guess I will just throw this out if I give into my more cowardly urges so there's a chance you won't even get to know this about me. I am a virgin. I haven't been with someone before, at least not like that. I'm actually blushing as I write this. That's pathetic, isn't it? I've been in relationships before so I do have some sexual experience, I just haven't experienced sexual intercourse.  
My Mother waited until she was married to my Father and that's what she raised us to do, to wait.  
It was always the belief of my Mother that I would qualify from medical school and be married by the time I was twenty five. For the longest time I guess I believed it too. I don't need to tell you that my life didn't go that way.  
I feel like I'm missing out on something important because of my need to be independent and remain career driven. I understand that the concept of virginity is essentially a social construct but I still feel as though I am missing out on a very desirable experience. To me having sexual intercourse is an experience I desperately want to have.  
Everything else that I had wished to do and haven't succeeded in doesn't mean as much to me as this does.  
I am fully aware that it could be years before my cancer takes my life from me but it could also press on my brain at any moment. This fate is something we each need to come to terms with and I have already made some kind of peace with it.  
I know that it will steal my health from me and eventually my life. I just want to have as little regrets as possible when that time comes. I want to know that I have taken chances and that I have not wasted this life due to my fear.  
Time and tact are sadly things that I simply cannot afford at this moment. Therefor I am forced to ignore the proper or appropriate methods observed and simply ask you. Will you have sexual intercourse with me, Mulder? It wouldn't mean anything deeper, of course, and it would just be once. I know it's a lot to ask of you and I by no means expect it of you. Whatever you choose I will never hold against you.  
It would mean a lot to me, Mulder. I trust you implicitly and you're my friend. My very best friend, in fact, and I can't imagine being with anyone else at this point. I've taken tomorrow off so that you can think this over alone.  
I'm not asking for anything more than you are willing to give me, Mulder. If this makes you at all uncomfortable then we'll just pretend this letter never existed. I'll never bring it up and I trust you to do the same.  
If you would like to be with me this once then I'll make dinner for us on Friday night at seven.  
God, I can't believe I'm even asking you this. It sounds desperate even as I read it back but I feel that at this stage in my life I should have had this experience and I don't have many other options than to ask you this way. The cancer has put a much more constricting time on my desire to experience this.  
I wish I felt like I had the time to approach you properly about this so that I could take this path with you under more normal circumstances. So much of our lives have become abnormal so I suppose it's only fitting that even in this I am unable to follow a more traditional path.  
Please do not feel pressured into doing this! If you're with me sexually I need it to be because you actually want me on some level. I need it to be because you find me sexually attractive and not out of some twisted sense of 'duty'. It will only be this once and we will carry on as normal afterwards.  
I'd just like to share this with a friend, with someone I trust. Please don't do this just to make me happy. If you do come over I can promise that I will be an eager student. Don't get in touch with me. Take some time to think it over and if it is something you'd like to do with me then just come over on Friday at 7pm. If it's not something you want to do then just discard this letter, we'll never speak of it and I'll see you at work on Monday.  
Scully x"

What? I'm sorry, I meant... WHAT?!? Holy shit! Scully's a virgin?! Scully wants... Oh. My. God. Those are about my first thoughts in a solid five minutes. I've just sat here brain dead and doing a mean impersonation of one of my fish. I honestly can't think properly. I'm instantly rock hard, so much so that it's actually making me light headed. I wouldn't have actually believed this had she not handed me the letter herself. Oh, God. My heart is hammering in my chest. Well, I guess I can safely say she didn't sleep with Ed Jerse then.

She wants to have sex. She want to have sex with *me*?! She's a virgin. She wants... My God! I know it's not really anything to do with me. Well... it is but not in the way I wish it was. I'm her friend and she trusts me enough to be gentle with her. She's worried she's dying and she wants to know what it's like to have sex before she does. She wants the experience to be with a friend and I understand that. Still, Jesus fucking Christ! 

She's basically offering me herself. Woah. It's a dream come true to me. I don't know if I can be this selfish though. I mean, it would mean everything to me but she just wants to knock something off of her bucket list. Could I do it and pretend just to be helping out a friend? I know she loves me. Not in the way I love her but still... That's why she wants it to be me. She trusts me and loves me as a friend. Like she said she doesn't have many options.

My cock starts to calm a little at the thought of her saying 'It wouldn't mean anything deeper'. It would to me! It would mean a hell of a lot. Christ, did she have any idea? It should be an instant yes and it is but then... then I started to think about it.

Could my heart carry on after I'd had a taste of her. Could I shut my feelings for her down again after making love to her? Could I go back to 'normal' after it? Would it ruin everything? How can I go back to being *just* her friend when we've shared something so intimate. Shit, I guess I really should think pretty seriously about this. Making love would change everything whether she wanted it to or not.


	2. Mulder's decision

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mulder battles with himself over whether of not he can give Scully what she needs.

# Chapter 2

 

I spent all the rest of Thursday in a weird state of arousal, shock and despair. I left work pretty much straight after I read her letter. I wanked like a mad man over it when I got home. It didn't last more than a few short sharp tugs. My cum narrowly missing her words. I didn't want to ruin that letter. I'm actually thinking I should get it laminated but that's probably taking it a bit too far. Most of my evening was spent in a weird blurred haziness. I ordered a pizza and crashed out on the couch at about 2am while some random tv show was on.

I know it will hurt to have been given a bit of heaven and then to have it taken away but what kind of guy could really pass up the chance to sleep with the love of his life. It will hurt like a bitch to know how perfect being with her could be to then have it ripped out from under me and go back to the way things are now. I just know my future self will hate me for not doing it though. What kind of chump would I be to pass up making love to her? Still... I just don't know if it'll work.

She's the only person I've seen in my minds eye every time I've wanked for years... Probably since the very start of our partnership so finally getting to be with her sounds absolutely incredible. It was just lust at first, of course, but it grew to be so much more over the years. Tell me one guy that wouldn't fantasise about a barley dressed Dana Scully coming into their hotel room. Jesus, she was fucking hot then! She's even hotter now, if that's possible. Her hair is red like the setting sun instead of that adorable mousy brown and she's definitely grown into those sexy little G-woman suits. 

It should probably embarrass me that I've cum so many times over her but it doesn't. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, right? I got over the shame of it a long time ago. Does it make me a pervert? I don't know but I doubt I could stop even if it did.

The weird haze that consumed my evening phased into my morning aswell. I got up and went to work just as I always do but my mind was on total autopilot while I did everything. It's way too preoccupied with what Scully has asked of me. What she's willing to give me. Her first time. That's a hell if a big deal. A way bigger deal than morning rush hour traffic and a bigger deal than doing anything remotely resembling work.

I'm back sitting at my desk and once again I'm getting basically nothing done. There's this knot in my stomach that just won't go away no matter how many antacids I take. I try to kid myself that it's due to the left over pizza I had for breakfast but it's definitely nerves. You'd think I was the one facing losing *my* virginity from the way my stomach is flipping. The thought that by the end of the weekend I'll know what it's like to have been inside of her keeps hurtling through my mind. 

Even though my mind keeps running riot on me the time still slips quickly by. It's getting closer and closer to the end of the work day. I skipped lunch with the hope it would calm my stomach. My mind swings from 'I want her so badly' to 'I cannot do this'. My dick going steal hard and deflating over and over as I switch from desire to fear. 

I think my mind is so confused because it's come on so suddenly. First I was seething with a mixture of anger and jealousy that she had slept with Jerse and now I'm faced with the fact that 1) She has cancer. 2) She's a virgin and 3) the most important of all, she wants to sleep with me. Granted she's not looking for anything more than just the physical but It's just too much to take in, it really is.

It's everything I've ever wanted. *She* is everything I've ever wanted but, shit, I'm nervous. What would this mean for us? I can't do this to us. I want her so badly. I can't do something that would ruin our friendship. It's everything to me. *She's* everything to me. Then again she *did* ask. She's obviously thought this all through and thinks that we can handle it. Our relationship is all I have and I will do anything to make this woman happy. If she wants me to do this for her then who am I to deny her this? It's not exactly going to be hard for me to make love to her. My cock swells everytime I think of her so *that's* not the hard part. The hard part is definitely very south of my mind. But, I just can't help my mind from thinking the worst. What if this damages us to a point where it can't be repaired. 

I've caused her so much pain already. I'm the reason for all the wrong that has been done to her and I can't convince myself that I'm not to blame for her lack of personal life regardless of what she's said. No matter what this could do to me I owed her it. I owe her happiness. I want to be the cause of atleast one happy memory and let's face it, it will be incredible for me.

I've tossed back and forth all day and it's now time to head home. I've been so convinced that I can do it and then I slip back into how selfish I am. Is it wrong to be with her when I'm in love with her and she doesn't know it? Is it wrong to almost lead her on in this way. She doesn't want me because she has any kind of romantic feelings for me. She wants me because I'm basically the only guy she has that she can ask. Then again, I have no doubt she could have slept with Jerse if she wanted to. 

I did absolutely nothing all day at work. I screwed around playing solitaire and reread an old case file or two just to give my hands something to do. It would also look better if someone came down here if I was on the computer or reading a case file. I'd look like I was busy. I probably should have just called in sick. I never had a chance of getting anything done when I had so much to think about. I never like to have it so that we're both off anyway. It fills me with such irrational anxiety. They might take the chance to shut us down again and put me back on some bullshit assignment and get Scully back into teaching at the academy.

I pick up the letter that is now dog eared and stuff it back in my pocket. I probably *should* have lamented it. I haven't let the damn thing out of my sight since she gave it to me and I must have read it a thousand times. I had it memorised from the first read obviously, having an eidetic memory will do that but its such a comfort to see her writting. This tiny scrap of paper feels like a life line to me. It reminds me that this is actually real. That in about two hours Scully will be waiting for me to show up and make love to her. Christ, the thought makes me cock solid again and I actually crumple back to the seat til it calms. I didn't know it was possible to want someone like this. To love someone this much. 

I start driving back to my apartment as soon as it hits 5pm. It's unheard of for me to leave work this early even on a Friday but I'm getting bugger all done anyway. I could have just stayed at work and went to hers or stayed in the area and had coffee or something but I want to clean up a bit and... well... to be honest I think I need to empty the pipes, so to speak. If I don't cum before I get there I'll be lucky to last even fifteen seconds. The thought of her dainty manicured hand wrapped around my throbbing shaft makes me step on the gas harder. I'm probably breaking some kind of land speed record but it still seems to take for fucking ever to get home.

I practically run up to my apartment and slam the door behind me. I barely have time to make it to the couch before my hands are fumbling quickly with my zipper. Dana Scully wants me. Regardless of what capacity it is, she *wants* me! I finally get my zipper down and my cock bounces at the expended space. It's been painfully pressed up against my slacks since I started driving. I grab it through the hole in my boxers. Screw taking the time to drop my pants and boxers.Scully wants to have sex with me. I spit into my palm and close my eyes. 

Images of those sapphire eyes peirce into me. I always loved her eyes! They're always what I see first when I start fantasising. I imagine that plump ruby red mouth sliding up and down my hard cock. Her mouth was made for giving head. She's got such perfect blow job lips. Jesus. I'm panting already. God, she's so fucking beautiful. I pump my dick up an down in time with what I'm imagining her mouth doing to me. I can practically feel her auburn hair brushing on my thighs as her mouth works wonders on me. I speed up and imagine her climbing onto my lap. My hands almost engulfing her tiny little ivory waist as she positions herself over me with my cock in her hand. She's so hot, so slick. My hand moves in a blur over my aching cock. "Scully" her name pants out of me. Those stunning eyes gaze at me and the head of my cock brushes past her damp curls. I push into her tight body. Oh, Christ, those eyes! I swear they can see into the depths of my soul. They're so blue. Before I'm even balls deep in my fantasy Scully I feel them start to tighten and my cock tingles to an almost painful level. "Fuck. Ugh!! Scu... Scully!!!" My cum forcefully explodes out of my dick. It feels so damn good! The release steals the shaky breath from me. Mmm... Scully. I love you so much, baby, so much. Ugh, shit. 

I've seriously got it bad. I came before I was even completely inside of her and that was only in my mind. What the hell would I be like when it was actually her and not my fantasy Scully. I shiver at the thought. Both in fear of embarrassing myself and in excitement.

My eyes are still closed in bliss. Sensation comes back to me slowly as I come down from the high. Granted it was only a quick tug but that didn't make it any less powerful. I open my heavy eyes and feel the same bitter pang that I always do. The bitter sadness that she's not here. That I've once again fucked my own hand and desperately wished it was her. The first thing I register is that my left hand, the one I wasn't using is clutching at her letter in my pocket. A totally unconscious thing. I must have grabbed it at some point, probably when I felt the first throb of my orgasm. The second thing I register is that I'll need to stop wanking in my suits or I'll have to find a new dry cleaners. Thick strings of white coat my trousers and somehow there's even some on my suit jacket. Gross.

Well, with that taken care of I go and grab a quick shower, shave and get changed. I can now understand and appreciate why it takes woman so damn long to get ready for a date. I stare at my clothes and run through all my options. What would she like the most? Should I dress with the ease of removal in mind? Should I dress for comfort? Should I wear something that will conceal my arousal or something that shows me off? This is so damn nerve wracking.

I take the longest time pondering and eventually settle on a relatively tight pair of blue jeans. I swear I caught Scully staring at my ass in them once so they'll do. After another painful while I adorn my black turtleneck. I always liked it and I pray she does too. I have a dilemma though... should I pack an over night bag? Is that too presumptuous? If I don't pack one though then what if she wants me to stay and I don't have one. She'll think it really was just a wham bam thank you ma'am. I want to stay over all weekend so I pack one. Maybe I'll get even more lucky. I can always leave it in the car until after we've... well.

Speaking of that... I wonder if I'll get away with *not* having sex with her tonight? It sounds like such a pathetic thing but I want to ease into it. Maybe kiss and pet a little tonight and then stay over and make love tomorrow. I want it to feel natural and not have it feel like some fucked up business arangement. When I make love to her I don't know if could handle her being stoic and not like... well... my lover. I know she's not in love with me. I'm not an idiot. There are some things I need for this to be right though and one of them is that it feels natural. That even if it's only for the weekend that we feel like a couple. It'll make it easier to go back to normal if I can get my fill of her instead of having just a quick fuck. At least I *think* it will make it easier. 

Showered, shaved and changed I grab my newly packed overnight bag and head back down to my car. I drive a little more sensibly over to her place. I'm probably going to be way too early as it's only six just now. I still have to stop in at the store and grab some wine. That'll kill some time. She likes red so I'll get that. I'll just fuck around at the store or drive the block at hers until 7pm. I'm not sure if flowers reek of nervousness and will come across as juvenile so I'll skip on those. It's not a date anyway so I'm sure she won't expect them. She probably wouldn't peg me as that kind of guy anyway. Maybe I should get desert or something? I mean she said she'd make dinner but does that mean desert too? Will she be insulted if I bring something or will she be glad? What if she had made desert and I slow up with another one? Does that make it seem like I don't trust her ability to cook? Shit, this is hard. I've spent so much time thinking about the sex part but none what so ever about what else I should do. 

I drive and I think the whole time. I think about everything I want from this. I hope easing into it is ok with her. I think about what I should show up with too. I've decided to go and rent a movie too. If we don't make love tonight which, to be honest, I hope we don't then I'd like to have something else for her to do. A movie seems like a good idea. 

She's probably nervous so having her focus on a film seems ok, right? It'll let her relax and it'll help me relax too. I'm gonna get that, some wine and if I see anything that strikes me as good for desert or whatever I'll grab that too. I'll just say I didn't know what she was making or I'll make a joke about it. It should be fine. 

This is good. I'm starting to calm down as I drive and I'm forming a pretty solid plan in my mind of roughly how I hope tonight will go. I'll pretty much follow her lead but I do have some things I'd like. The main one being, as I've said, to have this feel natural. It's perhaps a bit pushy of me to try and make any kind of demands but I don't think I can handle a quickie with the woman I love. We'll go slow. Or atleast I hope we will. I'll do what she wants either way. I can hope though.


	3. The first night

# Chapter 3

 

I knock at her apartment door and wait awkwardly. Red wine and bag in hand. I decided to bring up my bag because I didn't want to start the night off on the wrong foot. I want her to know what I need from this too. I want to stay the whole weekend and I'd packed for that eventuality, just in case. I'd grabbed some gooey looking fruits of the forest thing at the store. It has cherries in it and Scully *loves* cherries so it was sure to be a winner. I hope to God it is. I'm so damn nervous but I suck it up. It's unfair to act on my nerves. She's got to be more nervous than me. I'm clearly more experienced than she is so I've got to show it.

Scully opens the door in an ivory silk robe. Is she sick? Did she try to call and cancel at some point and I missed it? Did I get the time wrong? I'm panicking but I don't show it. She awkwardly steps to the side and let's me in. She says nothing to me but smiles a somewhat shaky smile in my direction. She shuts the door behind me as I move into her apartment.

It's only in the light of her cosy apartment that I notice that she's got a hell of a lot more make up on than she usually does. Her eyes are lined in black kohl and look... smokey... I think that's the word I've seen in fashion magazines for it. Yes, I've read a fashion mag or two. Yes, it's mainly because they have have chicks in them. So? I don't feel ashamed of it and hey, if I ever wanna become a drag queen I've got myself covered. Her lips are nude, just a plain balm on them, and it makes her eyes pop even more. Don't get me wrong it's hot as hell but it's not... *her*. Where is *my* Scully? Her hair is in perfect loose curls and she's obviously spent a lot of time getting ready. I'm just standing staring at her like an idiot.

She does look absolutely stunning but she's just not *her*. I'd rather she wore no make up at all if I'm honest. Those little freckles that adorn her porcelain skin are perfect. Like tiny little star's falling in mesmerising constellations over her aqualine nose. That little mole that sits below her left nostril has stolen my breath on more than one occasion. She always covers up these things and I'll never uderstand why. If you have some seriously sexy attributes that don't break any public decency laws then why the hell cover them? One of my favourite past times is playing peek a boo with that sexy little beauty mark. It shows up towards the end of the day as her make up fades or on an action heavy case when she's so hot and sweaty that the cover up melts off. I wish I could see all of those things now. She is still perfect though.

"Thanks for coming." She smiles a little at me and I drop my bag on the floor, nod at her with a smile and place the wine on her coffee table. I can't even speak. Nice one, Mulder. "I wasn't sure you'd... Umm... I've got the food set to be ready in an hour. Will that be enough time or... I mean... will you need longer since... well, since its just me?" She's shaking. Actually shaking. Shit. Once again I'm doing a mean impersonation of my fish. Get it together. Shit! What is she even talking about? Since it's 'just' her. Is she serious? 

She wants to have sex. Right now, I mean? No preliminaries, just start fucking. Christ. I thought we'd atleast have dinner first. I had hoped that I could have brought up my wish to go slowly and stay the weekend over dinner. I'd love to take it as a compliment that she doesn't want to wait and pretend it's because she wants me badly but I'm one hundred percent sure she just wants it over with which saddens me to an almost unbearable point.

She turns her back to me and unties her robe. She then takes a deep steadying breath and let's it fall. She takes in another deep hesitant breath and turns to face me. Holy shit! She's in this tiny sexy black baby doll dress. Oh, Jesus! Her eyes don't meet mine and she studies the floor as though waiting for me to make a move. She's still shaking a bit.

It's got spaghetti straps and falls to mid thigh on her. It is hands down the hottest thing I've ever seen. It shows off her body perfectly. I can see the curve of her perky breasts. The slight flush across her cheat. Those awe inspiring collar bones. The soft slope of her hips. Her tiny waist accentuated by the cling of the satin fabric. I can't actually see anything that would be classed as private but it's still a hell of a lot more Scully skin than I'm used to seeing. I can hardly breathe.

My mind flashes back unbidden to that night on our first case when she dropped that huge fluffy red robe and asked me to identify marks on her back. The parallel between then and now is not lost on me. I know in that exact moment that I can't do this, not like this. I remember that, back then, she had been so scared, so innocent and the trust she had placed on me even then had bowled me over. Her plain white cotton panties had been screaming at me to touch them. She'd thrown herself into my arms in relief after I told her they were just mosquito bites. *Thats* the Scully I want. Not this dolled up version of her.

I mean, she's fucking stunning like this and I'm hard instantly but I'm pretty much always in a state of arousal around her so I've learned to ignore it pretty well. I can't have the first time I'm with her be when she's not really *her*. Can I? I don't even know if that makes sense but if I kiss her right now then I know I'll hate myself for it. It's like she's trying to be someone else. Like she thinks she's not enough. If she dressed in this sexy black number anytime other than our first time I'd be all over her immediately. But, this is our first time. Our only time... and as much I want to rip that off of her and worship her I just can't. 

Regardless of my hard on I manage to snap out of my reverie and walk over to her. I pick up her robe without looking at her and place it on her shoulders. If I look at her then my resolve will break. Her head snaps up to mine with obvious confusion. "I... I thought. I mean... the sales woman said... I can go change." I look down at her and I'm startled to see that she has tears in her eyes and they keep dancing around, not looking at me.

I feel like a total shit. She looks so embarrassed. She thinks I don't want her. That I don't appreciate what she's done. I do. God help me, I *really* do but I cannot just go straight into this. I want her happy and calm. I want her to be comfortable. I know Scully and I know she can't be comfortable in what she's wearing nor in all that make up. How do I tell her that without insulting her? This is my one chance to be with her and I just *have* to be with the *real* Scully. The one that wears oversized cardigans and cotton underwear because they're comfortable and practical. The one that drools on my shoulder when she's sleeping. The one that always answers my calls, even at 3a.m. The one that drives me mad in ever single sense of the word. The one that wears those insane fuck me pumps to make her taller and never once complains about foot ache even though I know they have to kill. I want *Scully*, the real Scully. 

"No! Christ, Scully. You look stunning. I just... can we talk first? I sort of wanted to go slower than this" She blinks away her tears. How the hell does she do that? 

"O... Ok." She blushes and pulls her arms through the silk robe and tightens it shut. I should get a damn medal for turning her down. She's like something straight out of my best dreams. Minus the heavy make up, of course. My fantasy Scully's freckles and beauty mark are always proudly on show. Still, that was damn hard.

She walks and sits on the couch. I follow her. She looks at me with this sort of expectant gaze. I don't say anything. I really don't know what to even talk to her about. Am I even meant to ask her about all of this? It's so damn hard to tell with Scully. We have all of these small unspoken rules and barriers. Are they all broken now? Can I talk to her properly and without reservation?

"Did you have a good day off?" Oh for Christ's sake, just shoot me now. What a pathetic thing to say. She invites me over to take her virginity and I ask about her day. Jesus, what a joke.

She looks confused for a split second. Almost as if she can't believe the words that just came out of my mouth. Neither can I, Scully. "Yeah. Yeah, it was ok. Umm... how was work?" Bless her heart. She's confused and worried but she's once again trying for me. She always tries for me. Always tries to give me what I need.

"It was ok. Despite what you think, Scully, I *can* achieve things in your absence." I joke with her in the hopes that it'll calm her down and put her more at ease. "For example, I actually won not one but two games of solitaire." She gives me that tiny little laugh that she does. The one that's more a smile and an exhale of air through her nose. I know it for what it is though and it's a tiny little laugh or her vain attempt at hiding one. I know all of the subtle facial expressions Scully makes, I think, and I know what they all mean. A little smile from her is like a full blown grin from anyone else. She is reserved in her expressions just as she is in everything.

I mentally pat myself on the back for atleast making her laugh a little. I kick off my shoes. "C'mere, Scully." I incline my head at her to beckon her over to me. I part my legs and turn on her couch so that she can lie in the 'V' of them. One of them rests along the back of the couch and one sits on the floor. I'm glad my hard on is gone. Nothing would spoil this more than jabbing her in the back with my stiff dick. She knits her eyebrow's together and raises them a little bit. She hesitates for just a moment and then turns to lay against me with her back to me. She pulls her robe tighter over herself, like some kind of silk armor.

The feeling of her settling against me is wonderful. I feel like this could... no, *should* be my life. Her cuddled into me in her bathrobe. Her delicate little feet crossed at the ankle on the couch. She's got pink nail polish on her toe nails. It is the colour of cotton candy. I'm not really a foot guy but I have an instant urge to lick those tiny little toes with their adorable pink nail polish.

I glance down at her hair. With her back to me she is my Scully. I don't see the make up or the black baby doll dress. I see red hair, a perfect feminine figure hidden by a soft silk robe and tiny pretty little feet. I can almost pretend she's wearing those piped pyjamas that she loves so much that are too big for her under that robe. I can almost imagine that she has no make up on. That she is fresh faced and happy.

She smells exactly the same as she does at work first thing in the morning. She must have just sprayed on her perfume. She smells amazing. I take a silent deep lung full of it. I told her once that she wasn't wearing my favorite perfume or rather I said that someone else was. What a damn liar! That was back in the days that I was still trying to pretend I didn't love her. I was still trying to deny it to myself back then. Her scent always sends my heart racing but calms me at the same time. She smells like safety, like home.

Her hair grabs my attention, begs to be touched. I reach up and begin slowly running my fingers through those auburn tresses. I wonder why she had it dyed brown when we first met? It's always confused me. I'd assumed that she was a natural brunette until I saw some childhood pictures of her. She is definitely a natural red head. What on earth had possessed her to cover this gorgeous rusty red colour? Her hair feels so silky running through my fingers. 

I heard her hum a little and I close my eyes in bliss. Her warm body pressed into mine, her head on my chest and my fingers brushing soothingly through her hair filled me with more contentment than I think I've ever felt in my life.

This should be our life. We should be resting here after putting our kids to bed. Both of us too tired to do much else other than just laze on our couch and hold each other. I shake away the thought as I feel my eyes start to prick. There are so many things I wish for us. For her. I feel guilt gnawing at me for all the things I've stopped her from doing in her life. For getting her caught up in this stupid quest.

"Mulder?" She sounds so quiet, almost a whisper. My hand stills momentarily in her hair then I start again.

"Hmm?" I am just as quiet. It feels like if either of us are loud that it'll somehow break whatever happy spell that has got her in my arms and is letting me stroke her hair.

"It's ok. I mean, I understand if you don't want me. It was a stupid thing for me to even consider asking of you. I hope I haven't ruined our working relationship or... or our friendship" She breaks off and I swear I can hear the effort of her holding back tears in her voice. She grips the hand that I'd forgotten about. It has been laying at her side this whole time and she pulls it onto her stomach. She laces her fingers through mine and sighs a little.

"No, Scully. I want to. I... I want *you*." Shit, how much should I tell her? Should I say that I'm ecstatic? Ask to stay the weekend?Tell her how much this means to me? Tell her that I'm in love with her? Jesus, why is this so damn hard? I would tell her but I doubt it would calm her obvious fears. If anything it would scare her more. She is breathing pretty heavily. Almost as if she's trying to calm herself down again. I can't think of anything else to say to her that wouldn't be telling her *too* much. 

"Then why did you stop me, Mulder?" Her voice shakes a little and she starts to rub and tickle up my arm with her free hand while still keeping a firm hold of my hand with her other. I sigh at her question and wonder how I can phrase this where she isn't insulted at my lack of love for her make up or is terrified by how much I *do* actually want her.

"I just... I want us to go slowly Scully. This is a big thing and I want... I guess I just wanted to kind of build up to it. To spend the weekend and have fun with you, to romance you a little so that when I do... uhh... go to bed with you it would seem natural and not like... I dunno... some kind of business thing. Does that make sense?" I had almost fucked up and said 'when I do make love to you'. I doubt she'd be ok with me calling it that but saying that we were going to be having sexual intercourse or fucking seems far too impersonal or far too clinical. I just didn't like the way it sounded. I'd be making love to her and I knew it even if she didn't. I could do nothing less. I'd asked to spend the weekend but I still hadn't hinted at what this meant to me. Hopefully she was ok with me staying and I hadn't given too much away. Oh, please, Scully! Let me stay. Just give me the weekend. Just give me two full day's with you. Please. 

"Really?" She grips my hand a little tighter and I can hear her swallow thickly. "That sounds... perfect, Mulder." Thank God! Perfect. She was ok with going slow. I breathe out a breath I didn't even notice I was holding. "I figured you'd just want... I mean, I've seen what your, uh, tastes are. All those video's that aren't your's don't exactly scream slow romance." She nuzzles into my chest a little and gives a nervous sort of giggle. I chuckle with her too. Is that why she got dressed up? She thought that's what I wanted? She really *was* trying to be someone else. She was trying to fit into what she thought I wanted. Trying to doll herself up like some bimbo porn star. Little did she know that those video's have been collecting dust for years and the star of my fantasies is currently snuggled into me. 

I let the hand in her hair fall down to met the other around her stomach and I hug her tightly to me. I can practically *feel* her smile against my chest at the action. My heart feels so light and overflowing with love that I can hardly believe my luck. This perfect little angel wants to be with me for the whole weekend. I know I can't get my hopes up. I can't allow myself to think past this weekend. Can't pretend that even though she's ok with going slowly that this means to her anywhere near what it means to me. I know it doesn't. 

"I never want you to be anyone but you, Scully. Never." I whisper into her hair and give into my desire and press a kiss there. Ive always eanted to do that. I hope that it's ok. That giving her kisses there just now is fine. What if she doesn't want anything other than the main event, so to speak. Maybe I shouldn't have but its so damn hard not to, especially when she's hugged against me like this.

She hums happily and although I'm not sure if it's at the kiss or at my words I think it's a good sign. "I brought desert, by the way. I wasn't sure if you were making something sweet aswell as dinner." I squeeze her and say with what I hope is a sexy tease "It has cherries in it." She twists around and favors me with a full blown Scully smile. Teeth and everything. My God, she has the most amazing smile. I wish she did it more often. I probably don't do anything to help bring them out though. Maybe I'll be able to bring some more out this weekend. 

"Cherries, huh? You really do want to woo me." She says through her smile. She's calmed down a lot and seems back to her usual self. Teasing me and disagreeing with me is one of Scully's forte's. I knew those cherries were a winner. Her smile drops a bit and to my utter shock and amazement she leans down and kisses me. Her lips are pressed against mine. They're so soft! Softer than my fantasies could have ever done justice to.

My hands slide to her waist as she turns in my arms and I stroke her so lightly there. I'm almost afraid to touch her more than this. The feel of silk on my fingertips is so sensual. It's not really a wild passionate kiss. She doesn't even open her mouth and I'm too terrified to initiate something deeper. It only lasts for a few seconds but it steals the breath from me. 

She slowly pulls away from me and then bursts out laughing. I feel a stab of complete fear. What the hell is she laughing at? I can't have fucked that up, can I? I mean it was a peck, well, it was more than that but not something that required an abundance of skill. Surely it wasn't the kiss. She looks up at me and she must notice the fear and confusion on my face. She pulls my turtle neck out at the chest and shows it to me. I instantly see what her mirth is for. There's a huge smear of skin coloured makeup right across the chest of my black top. I burst out laughing too. It's good to share a laugh with her and I feel the tension in the air dissipate somewhat. We're both chuckling away like care free teenagers.

She stands up, still laughing and reaches out her hand to me to pull me up with her. We calm down a little and she starts to look a bit sheepish. "Take it off and I can wash it out. I mean... you could get something from your overnight bag to wear." She flushes again. As if the thought of asking me to take my top off is causing her embarrassment. I can feel a sarcastic retort forming in my mind but force it down. I doubt nudity is something we should joke about yet. 

I look at her fully. Her eyes still dancing from laughter and her freckles showing up clearly since most of her make up in now on me. Her hair is mussed up from where my fingers have been running through it, her robe is sitting messily on her tiny frame and her lips look moist and kissable. *This* is my Scully! Freckles on her face and pretty cotton candy toes. Clothes hanging loose and sparkling sapphire eyes. She is stunning. An utterly prepossessing sight. 

I lean over and kiss her. I can't help it. It's probably too much too fast but how can I not? I couldn't stop myself, not when she looked like that. I bend a little as I press my lips to hers. God, she feels even better than she did a moment ago. Those amazing lips pressed to mine. Her arms come up to my neck and clutch at me. Then she does the most adorable thing I think I've ever seen in my life and goes up on her tip toes to get closer to me. Her perfectly manicured finger nails run through the hairs at the nape of my neck. My hands go to my spot on her. That dip at the small of her back just above where her ass begins. I know it's where she got her tattoo and now that I know she didn't sleep with Ed Jerse the thought of that tattoo is a huge turn on. My rebellious little Scully.

Her mouth parts a little under mine and I can't stop myself from moaning. Her little tongue pokes out from between her perfect plump lips and brushes over my bottom lip. I gasp at the sensation and she takes advantage of my open mouth. She pushes her tongue against mine tenderly like she's asking it to come out and play. I hear her groan the second they touch and I start to move my tongue over and around hers. She tastes incredible! I never want this to end, never. She tastes faintly of coffee and there's something else. Something deep and dangerously addictive. Something I can only define as Scully. We are so in synch that we pull away and push back at exactly the same moments. She grips me tighter around the neck and one hand sneaks to the side of my face, framing it and caressing my cheek. Her mouth still moving perfectly with mine. My hands start running all over her back. I can no longer keep them idle. I want to touch ever single inch of her that I can. I pull her closer and closer. I want to meld into this woman. To disappear and lose myself in her. To be as much a part of her as she is of me. After what felt like an eternity and a mere second at the same time she goes down from her tip toes and gently ends our kiss. 

"I'll go check on dinner. You can use the bathroom to change and bring your shirt through. I'm sorry I got make up all over it" She looks embarrassed again. Should I tell her that I wanted her to take it off anyway? She doesn't make any mention of the kiss. She doesnt act any differently at all and for a fraction of a second I actually wonder if I somehow had a weird break from reality and imagined it. Then I see her lick her lips in a self conscious way and press them together. Her eyelids fluttering slightly.

"You don't need that crap anyway, Scully." She flushes at my words and then quickly leaves to see to dinner. I look at my watch and I'm shocked as hell to see that I've been here for nearly an hour. How long was I playing with her hair on the couch? Time really *does* fly when you're having fun. I go and grab a plain white t-shirt from my bag to change into and go to the bathroom. 

As soon as I come out Scully brushes past me. Her hand running along my stomach as she goes into the bathroom. "Dinners almost done. I'll be out in a minute" She says and closes the door. I'm half way to the kitchen before I realise that she was in midnight blue silky piped pyjamas. She must have changed after checking on dinner.

I throw my top in her machine, set the table and get glasses for drinks. There's not much else I can do other than that. I spy into the oven and see a lasagne cooking away. There's a salad made up in a big bowl on the counter too and I see that she's buttered mini bagettes. They're the kind that you buy part cooked and bring them home to finish off. They smell incredible even though they've cooled. 

Scully comes back in with a clean face and I swear my heart leaps into my throat. She's perfect! Those amazing freckles. That tiny beauty mark... She's brushed out her hair and it looks more like it always does but sexier. I think she has a natural wave to her hair that she brow dries out so I can imagine her just being relaxed at home with it like this. I find myself almost pretending that we're just spending the night together and she's happy. That none of what happened before exists. No, not none of it but the parts where she was nervous and dressed up like she wasn't herself. I could live without those. We could be dating and spending the night together. "Jesus, Scully." Is all I can get out before I'm swooping her up in another mind blowing kiss. 

"Not a make up man after all then?" She asks with an endearing little half smile after we pull out of the kiss. 

"Not with you Scully. You don't need it." I shrug to her. She quickly turns away and starts busying herself with oven mits and taking out the lasagna. I can see her wide smile even with her back slightly to me. She grabs her bottom lip with her top teeth and tries to stifle it. I don't know why she'd try to hide her smile. She clearly didn't like that goop anymore than I did so why not smile at a compliment? She really is enigmatic. 

She calms herself and forces her smile from her face. Why? She turns to the table and puts down the lasagna on a heat proof mat and sticks the serving spoon in it. I reach behind her to grab the salad bowl and I hear her gasp as my arms brushes her back on the way to the counter.

"I'll go grab the wine you brought" She says removing the oven mits. She hastens herself from the room. She seems really flustered. I wish I could take that odd nervousness from her. It's like she's busy doing nothing again. With her out of the room I take in a calming breath. I can do this! I give myself a moment to try and get my head around this. I can hardly even come to terms with the fact that we've kissed. I kissed her. I kissed Scully! More than that she kissed *me*. In fact she initiated our very first kiss and she was the one who deepened the second. Holy shit! She *kissed* me! I know that it was just three kisses. Well two deep one's and one chaste one. Still, I've had her lips on me three times and I can hardly beleive it. If this is a dream or I've died and gone to heaven then I pray I get to stay in this perfect little bubble for eternity. 

After longer than she should have taken she comes back in. I have to wonder if she was taking a moment to herself just like I had. I smile easily as her and sit at the table. She moves to a drawer and grabs a corkscrew. I watch her as she starts to open the wine. She's so fucking sexy! She puts the bottle between her silky legs and then she makes the most aborable face when she pulls the cork out. Sort of pulling her bottom lip with her top teeth and making this cute little grimace of effort as she pulls it. Jesus, she is sexy! The cork pops out and she smiles at me. 

She pours the wine into the glasses I'd set out and takes a seat. We're at opposite ends of her small oak table and I feel too far from her. It feels like forever since either of us have spoken but I don't know how to break the silence. All the things I want to say to her seem too intimate which is ridiculous given that she's had her tongue in my mouth twice tonight. We're going to have sex and I'm worried about being too intimate. I just don't know what she expects of me here other than the obvious physical request. Is that all this is? I know it's more to me but does she just want unattached sex or does she want to spend the weekend as lovers? I *have* to ask her! I have to find out what this is.

"Scully..." 

"Mulder..." we both start at exactly the same moment and she smiles a little at it. She's breathtaking right now. No make up on and her freckles running across her face. That smile is everything to me. "You go first" She says with a slight nod of her chin at me. 

"I just... what do you want here, Scully" She raises her eyebrow in that classic Scully way and I chuckle a little. "I know *that* but I mean..." I trail off. I don't know how to go about asking her this. I want so badly to just spend this weekend with her as her *lover*. To be able to kiss her and hold her anytime I want to. To act like a couple for these two days. How do I ask her that without coming across as desperate and making her uncomfortable. I take I huge gulp of my wine. It's pretty good. I hope she likes it too.

Screw it. I'll just out right ask her. There's no point beating around the bush, is there? She needs to know what I want too. "Can we spend this weekend as... as lovers? I know you said just once and it can be but I... You deserve a good experience, Scully. To build up to it. To be together properly for the weekend" That sounds good, doesnt it? Trying to make it out as if I just want her to have a great time. Taking focus away from my feelings and desires and just making out that it's all about her experience. Yeah, I'm happy with that. Not too mushy. Not too sentimental. She just looks at me with a tiny crease in her brow. "We'll just let it be a natural transition. Would that be ok?" She takes a little sip of her wine. Neither of us have even touched her lasagna yet. Not even dished up.

"Is that what you want? Would it... would you be ok giving me that?" She keeps her eyes on her empty plate as she talks.

"Of course" I say back. I hope she knows on some level that this isn't just for her. I hope she knows that I'm more than happy to be here with her. I don't want her to know how amazing this is for me and scare her away but I do want her to know that I'm happy. I want her to know that it isn't a hardship for me. To know that I'm not putting myself out just to please her. I want to reach over and touch her but I stop myself. 

"I... I'd like that" She brings her eyes up to meet mine and we look shyly at each other. "Come on, let's eat. I haven't had anything all day" She digs out a portion of lasagna and shovels it onto her plate. Once she's done I grab the spoon and do the same. "Oh, I forgot the rolls" She starts to get up for them but I'm already on my feet. I grab them from the counter. Her head is tilted up looking at me as I place them on the table beside her. I lean down and peck her on the lips. She said she'd like to spend the weekend with us as lovers but I felt the need to show her what that meant to me. Plus, I just really want to kiss her all the time. She returns my kiss and squeezes my hand as I move it away from the rolls. I pull away and she smiles up at me. 

"Thank you" She whispers to me as I leave her side to sit back down on my seat. I sense that she doesn't really want a response to it or even an acknowledgement so I don't give her one. We dig into our dinner and start to chat easily with each other. All the strange tension is gone and I really feel like we're actually together. It feels so natural to just sit and have dinner with her. It doesn't feel forced or like I'm here just to have sex with her. It's so normal that it leaves me a little stunned. I understand that it's just going to be this weekend, I do, but this is so perfect. It just feels right to me. I haven't even done what she's asked of me yet but I already find myself wishing for more. Wishing desperately that we could have forever just like this.

We have mini arguments about cases and their root in the paranormal, as always. We chat about her family and she even talks a little bit about past boyfriends. Joking about things. I try to crack a few jokes and she laughs more than I've ever heard her laugh. It's such an infectious sound. I couldn't love her more. 

I'm absurdly curious about what she *has* experienced. We laugh a little over her tale of how she'd nearly lost her virginity only to have a friend ruin it by setting up a campfire that went completely out of control. She's so relaxed and carefree as she tells it. That might be to do with the wine but I choose to think it's because she's comfortable with me. I decide to take the plunge as her mirth dies a little.

"So, did you end up doing anything else with...uhh... that guy?" I inquire as she finishes off the food on her plate.

"Marcus, and no. We broke up." She is instantly serious again and I wonder if I've taken it to far. I want to know what she has done though. I want to know what I'm actually in for here. I mean, there are about a million different ways to be intimate with someone, the least of which is actually penetrative sex. She doesn't offer anything else and starts to clear away our plates. Normally I'd take Scully's cues and know to back off but I can't. I want to understand a bit more about what she actually expects. I'm about to ask her more when she grabs her wine glass and the bottle.

"Let's go through to the living room. We can put on the video you got." For a moment I wonder if she's been super curious for some reason and poked around in my bag but then I remember I'd sat it on the coffee table when I got my clean shirt. I guess I don't need to know anyway. I'm here for one thing and I don't actually need to know anything about her past experiences.

 

"Sure, Scully" I respond and grab my wine glass too.


	4. Their night gets started

# Chapter 4

 

She sits on the couch and I put in the tape. It's the Titanic movie. I knew she had wanted to go and see it at the cinema but with everything that has happened she didn't get the chance to go. The least I can do is rent it on video. I hope she hasn't seen it yet. It's a far cry from the exorcist (which she once told me was one of her favorite movies) and I get the impression that she is a bit embarrassed about wanting to watch it. Like it's too girly or something. I don't think she knows that I'm well aware of her love affair with Breakfast at Tiffanys. 

Her mum told me, while Scully was in a coma, that she and her sister, Melissa, had watched it the first day of summer vacation every single year. That even while Scully was at medical school and living on campus the two sisters would find a way to watch it together. I loved that story so much and I had felt tears in my eyes as Mrs Scully told me about it. I wish she still had her sister. It was just one of the millions of things I have to feel guilty about. I wonder if she's watched it again since Melissa's murder. If she still watches it that day every year in a way to keep her sisters memory alive.

I turn back to the couch and sit down. Scully had been watching me the entire time I'd been putting the tape in. Was it caution that held her eyes to my body or, dare I hope it, desire. She gave me a small smile once I sat down and she reached over for a sip of her wine and put the almost empty glass back. It's only her second but it seems to be calming her. I'm sure it's not my presence so it *must* be the wine.

The overhead lights are off and she has candles burning on the coffee table near us. I hate fire. I have had such a fear of it ever since I was a kid but seeing Scully sitting there with her bare feet tucked under herself and her face glowing in the soft light. I'm glad of the flames for the first time in my life. The softness of the light on her made my heart swell. She looked almost ethereal in that light. It flickered over her ivory body and illuminated different parts of her perfect form as the light caressed her.

"Oh, God. Sorry" She said and jolted as if something suddenly struck her. She leaned over quickly to blow out the candles. 

"No. Dont" I said and pulled her body back to the couch before she even had a chance to purse her lips.

"I thought. You said that you... I don't mind watching it in the dark" She stumbled over her words and I could see her cute flush and confused frown even in the pale light. She obviously remembered my fear of fire and felt like she'd slipped up when she lit the candles. Bless her. It's refreshing to have someone I'm intimate with actually *care* about me. Ok, so we're not really physically intimate... yet. But I feel like we are getting there emotionally. Or maybe im kidding myself. She's told me more about herself tonight than she ever has and she seemed a lot more carefree over dinner. Then again Scully is infamous for having the ability to control her emotions so maybe she's good at faking them too.

"You look really beautiful in candle light, Scully." I tell her. It's a gross understatement, almost ridiculously so, but even though we're getting closer to each other I'm still trying to hold back. She smiles at me again and I take a chance. I lean over to her and kiss her. It's not as passionate as those other two but it feels incredible. It's loving and easy. I try to put everything I feel for her into that kiss. I can't tell her that I love her so I try to show her instead. She responds with the same tempo as me and her hands brush slowly up my thighs. Her fingernails tickling up the inside of them. Getting much closer to my dick. Shit, I'm getting hard, again. I pull away from her and her amazing lips before she can notice.

I'm not sure why I want to hide my arousal from her especially considering what I'm here for. It's probably just force of habit at this point. She gives me an odd look and pulls at my neck. Effectively pulling my mouth to hers again. God, she feels incredible. I can't help but kiss her back. How could I not kiss her back? It's Scully. My mouth moves in perfect counterpoint to hers and she again moves her hands down to my thighs. Both of them slowly rubbing the inside of my jeans. I moan into our kiss. I want to touch her so damn badly. I want to pull off her pyjama top and bury my face in her cleavage. Taste the skin there. Instead I force myself to pull away again. I want to go slowly for her! We agreed to do slow and romantic. This is far from that and if I don't stop now then I don't know if my body will let me. So much for cleaning out the pipes before I got here. It's insane what this woman can make me feel.

I press my forehead to hers and pant a little bit. I just can't go fast with her, not like this. She's a virgin for fuck's sake. Go slow! I don't even know what her experience is yet. How far she's ever even went with someone.

My body is practically demanding that I plunge into her. This warm soft woman that is sending me all the right signals. The thing is she's not just some random woman that I can fuck mindlessly, she's Scully. And she's a virgin. Her hands drop to her sides. She looks so disappointed. I don't know if it's disappointment in herself or in me or what that look is for. I give her another quick soft peck which she only half heartedly responds to. 

Scully scoots a little away from me with a small sigh and switches on the video. I think I've upset her but she doesn't say anything about it. We watch in silence for a while. As this guy Jack is saving some woman called Rose from launching herself off the ship I cast a look at Scully. She's only half watching the film, I can tell, and she looks a mixture of pissed off and upset. I reach my hand out to hers and try to grasp it. She shakes me off.

"Can you pause it? Bathroom break." She doesn't even cast a look back at me as she gets up and goes to the bathroom. Shit. Shit. Shit. I don't know what I've done but I've screwed this up already. Fuck! My mind races with ways to make this better. Was it just because of the kiss? Because I didn't start something more with her then? Did she want to go fast even though she said she wanted me to stay the whole weekend and go slow? What happened to slow and romantic? Was she testing me? Waiting to see if I couldn't control myself? Or was that my cue to just fuck her on the couch? She could have at least let me in on that one. I thought slow was what she *wanted*. I can feel myself start to get pissed off at her. How the hell am I meant to know what she wants? I'm not a damn mind reader! She can't say it sounds 'perfect' to go slow and then want to fuck mindlessly on her couch.

She comes back out and sits on the couch without a word. Screw this. Screw her. I need some kind of damn sign of what she wants. I guess the snog was probably a huge neon sign but you just never know with Scully and she had said she wanted it to be natural... or did she just agree with me when I said that and she never meant it? I know that it would feel natural to me considering how love I've wanted her.

If I was with anyone else tonight, hell, I'd be initiating it but this is so new to us and there's a huge difference between Scully and any other woman I've been with. I'm in love with her. I thought I'd been in love with Phoebe but it's a candle in a whirlwind to what I feel for Scully. It's a big step to go from kissing a few times to making love.

I know I'm not here to start some meaningful relationship. I've got to get my head in the game. I thought she seemed to want the same thing as I did in regards to this weekend. Without the obvious part of being completely in love and wanting forever. She clearly doesn't though. This is just physical to her. 

I'm being cruel and stupid. I should go wherever she leads. This is meant to be for her after all. My mind is jumping about again. I've got to get a grip. This is for Scully!

I should count my blessings that she even asked me. No one else. *Me*! It's an enormous thing to give to someone and it's something she will remember all her life. You never forget your first. Whatever pace she sets I need to be ready to match. No more pulling away. Who am I to decide how she should lose her virginity anyway. If she wants me to fuck her hard and fast on the couch then I should be more than happy to and I am. Believe me I am. I guess I'm just letting my heart dictate too much about all of this. It's too damn hard to compartmentalise love though. I'll go wherever she leads.

I should have let her do whatever she wanted when she was touching my thighs. I'm getting my expectations and my hopes up too high. I have to let her lead. I am being cruel. She must be so confused. I just... I dunno... I wanted the watch the girly movie with the love of my life in my arms and then take her to bed for some heavy petting. Maybe I'm just trying to prolong it. After all the longer I can stave off having sex with her the longer kissing and touching her is acceptable.

She's taking deep breaths beside me again and she hasn't put the movie back on. She seems to be screwing up her courage or that's what it looks like and she turns to me. Her eyes wide and doe like. She blinks and pounces. She practically crushes me into her striped couch as she smothers me in a huge wet kiss. I'm steel hard instantly. Mmm... what the hell is she... but, oh, God, yes.

I'm really not a moron... well, not entirely... so I start to kiss her back just as passionately. I said I'd go anywhere she led and I meant it. She straddles me. There's no way she can miss my renewed hard-on at this point. No way. It's pressed so tightly against her centre that she *has* to feel it. Shit. Instead of doing what I thought she would and rushing away from me she grinds into it.

"God, Mulder" She pants with her forehead pressed to mine. Her mouth left mine for only a moment and now she's straight back to kissing me or a more realistic image is that she devouring me. Her mouth is frenetic against mine. She starts this maddeningly amazing thing, moving in little gyration's on my crotch. This is like heaven. Shes moaning incessantly against my mouth but I somehow manage to match her kiss for kiss. It takes my lust heavy mind a moment to *actually* realise what's going on. She's dry humping me on her couch. This isn't just an intense make out. She's on a mission. Oh, fuck. God, she feels amazing. Her tiny, hot little body taking pleasure from mine is the most incredible thing I've ever experienced. I unconsciously thrust up a little into her and I'm rewarded by an increased vigor from her. 

"Hmm... ho, yesss." She pulls millimetres away from my mouth every time she moans and pants. I'm so stupified by what's going on that my hands have been totally dormant. I rectify that immediately and start rubbing up her back. Can I touch her breasts? Would she let me? That seems too much but then again she's dry humping me so it's probably completely ok. I don't touch them though. I just play it safe and touch and clutch her back.

I want to rub her clit. To get her off with my fingers. To feel how wet she is for me. For me! Ugh. My cock thobs. Begging for release. The friction she creating at my crotch is just perfect on my shaft. I can feel the sticky precum seeping out. She seems to be enjoying humping my cock through our clothing if her moans are anything to go by. I'm so fucking hard it actually hurts. My hands pull her tighter to me and she moans again. "Ugh... God!" She starts to fuck my mouth with her tiny pink tongue. It shoves in and out of my mouth in a mimic of what I hope to do with my throbing cock and her pussy at some stage this weekend.

God, she feels *so* good. Writhing atop me like a wild little sprite. She's so damn sexy! I honestly never thought she'd be like this. That she'd be so responsive, so into this. I probably just didn't let myself think of it. My hands slip down to her hips and I rub her body quickly against mine. Rocking her hips with my hands. My hips thrust up to her core. I can't even stop myself. My dick is tingling like mad. The tiny bit of insignificant pain from my chaffing trousers is easy to ignore as I notice her breasts swaying in my face and her tight little body ridding mine. Christ, this is definitely a hell of a lot faster than I thought we'd go but holy shit is it incredible.

I can feel my orgasm start to approach. Shit... too fast. Too fast! I need to atleast get her off first. I'm about two seconds away from seriously embarrassing myself and cuming in my jeans. Just as I think it's all over for me she grabs one of my hands and puts it on her breast. She's still my red headed little angel but I swear there's a bit of a horny devil in her. I almost cum but I actually feel it calm a little as my desire to feel her overcomes it. I rub and squeeze her breast. Oh, God. They're bigger than I thought they would be. I mean, they're not huge but they're bigger than I thought. It fits perfectly into my hand and my hands aren't exactly small. I feel her puckered nipple right under the silk. Jesus, she's not even wearing a bra. I pinch that little nub of flesh and roll it in between my thumb and forefinger through her top. Her pace quickens on me. She clutches to me, to anywhere she can. I can feel her tiny body practically vibrating atop mine. She keeps kissing me and moaning as her hips buck into me in a frenzy. "That's it. God, Scully. Cum for me. Uhhh. Cum for me, Scully."

"Uhhhh! FUCK!" She rips her mouth from mine. Panting and writhing. Her body shaking, her back arched away from me, her face buried in at my neck. She's coming. I made her cum! I just made Dana Scully cum. Jesus Christ. Just as this thought is actually penetrating my mind she jumps off of me.

She kneels on the floor between my legs. I'm a little stunned. Then a *lot* stunned. She takes down my jeans and boxers in record time. I help a little by lifting my hips. She's still trembling with the aftershocks or her orgasm. Is this it? Are we about to make love? I panic a little at that thought. I'm about two seconds from blowing my load. This won't be good for her. Then she surprises me completely.

Oh Jesus! Her mouth pushes over the head of my cock immediately. "Oh, fuck, Scully!" Holy Christ! It's like she's deperate for me. There is no bigger turn on than someone who desperately wants you. Seriously. Ask anyone. I know she's just retuning the favour so to speak but by the way my little nympho is going at my cock I feel like she wants me. Badly. Oh, God! Oh, fuck. She feels amazing. Oh, Scully! Mmm... her head bobs up and down. She's sucking me so perfectly I think I can safely say she's done thus before. I feel a small stab of jealousy at the thought but quickly terminate it "Ugh... Yesss. Fuck. Yeah, baby, feels so oh good!" Her mouth is so hot, so wet. I just got away with calling Scully baby. That's a life goal completed. Her cheeks hollow in effort as she sucks me hard. Fuck, she's about to suck me dry. That tiny tongue starts flicking over and over the sensitive underside of my dick. Playing with the little ridge there. She can't take all of me so her hand comes up to pump up and down the neglected part of my shaft. Her fingers don't even meet around me. Sometimes I forget how small and delicate she is. She'd kill me if she knew I thought that. Oh. My. God. Scully! She moves faster and faster. "Ohhh fuck, uhh Scully!" I'm making continous moans and I feel almost embarrassed at how much I'm enjoying this.

I try to keep my hands at my sides, I know how much woman hate to get forced down or feel like they are being pushed and used. I can't help myself though, I *have* to touch her. Have to ground myself to this moment. To her. I place one hand at the back of her head and the other on her shoulder. I don't push or pull her at all. I just touch her and stroke her hair. Her other hand comes up and she starts rubbing my balls gently. I feel them pull up tightly. Oh, Holy fuck! She's amazing at this. I feel my orgasm approaching. 

"Scu. Uh. Mmm gonna. Gonna cu. Uh. Scu." How fucking articulate is that? In my defence the hottest woman I've ever known has my cock in her mouth. I think that's a pretty good warning that I'm about to cum considering. She needs to move. Now. I'm about to blow a load bigger than I ever have. She sucks me even harder and starts moaning and humming. Ugh, shit. Fuck. Those tiny little vibrations are caressing my dick.

"Mu. Move. Scu." She doesn't move. Fuck, why won't she move? She cant want this. Can she? She's *got* to know what's about to happen and how it'll taste. She's a doctor for Christ's sake and she's clearly done this before. She *knows* how it tastes. I wish our cum tasted better for woman everywhere's sake. It's a shame that they taste *so* fucking good and we guys... well we definitely don't if my past lovers have been correct. I can't do this. I just can't hold on anymore. I'm gritting my teeth and trying to run images of Skinner through my mind. I'm still about to cum though. I doubt I could stop if I had a gun to my head. I sob out. The effort of holding back overcoming me. I open my eyes. When did I shut them? She's looking right up at me with wide sparkling ocean eyes. Fuck. I feel my whole body go unbelievably still and my cock swells for the briefest moment, just as it always does. Then I'm exploding. "Scully!" My cum rockets out of me the moment her blue eyes lock completely on mine. Her red hair is dancing flame in the candle light and those perfect pouty lips are wrapped around my cock. Oh God! The sight is too much. I feel it spasm out thick jets of cum straight in her mouth. She looks almost eager. Her mouth twitching into a small smile around me. Her eyes flutter and dance back up to mine.

She swallow's it all and soothingly lick's up the spatter's that she missed. I'm so limp and satiated that I hardly move as she laps up any mess on my softening member. Her eyes are heavy lidded and she smiles up at me from her position on the floor between my legs when she's finished. She starts to carefully put me back in my boxers and helps me pull up my jeans. I'm absurdly glad I took my shoes off early on. I'd feel like an idiot if they were still on and I'd had my pants around my ankles.

"Was that ok?" She asks taking her seat next to mine and running her thumb over her bottom lip to help get rib of the tiny bit of my essence that clings there. She sticks her thumb in her mouth and moves her body closer to me. Ok? Is she out of her damn mind. That was fucking incredible, amazing, perfect. It's about a million times better than ok! I just nod at her, too awestruck to even form words and too afraid to say too much. Don't fuck this up. Do *not* fuck this up. I want to grab her to me and pledge my soul to her. I will *not* fuck this up though.

Where the hell had that even come from? One minute she seems pissed at me and the next. Woah, talk about breaking the ice. Was that why she'd done it? To break the ice? I thought our kissing had done a good job of that. To remind me why I was here? To keep our minds on sex? Or by some grace of God did she just want to? Just want me? Nah, I wish! I think she must have done it to remind me of why I'm here. To remind me that I'm trying too hard to be gentle and act like a couple when I'm not here for that. I can't believe what just happened. Did that seriously just happen? Am I losing it or was my stoic prim and proper work partner just grinding herself to orgasm against me for the last five minutes. I try not to look a gift horse in the mouth though. This is her first time and how ever she wants to build up to it is fine.

She casually snuggles her head into my lap, then grabs the remote and puts the film back on. What. The. Fuck?! Are we just going to pretend that didn't happen then? Am I just supposed to act as if it didn't. I mean, I'm seriously happy about it but where the hell had it come from? Should we talk about it? Hah, that's a laugh. Scully and I talk about something personal. That'll never happen. I'm too nervous of making her uncomfortable and she's too private. Was that how Scully did slow and romantic cause I gotta tell you if it is then it's a goddamn miracle she's still a virgin. 

"Mmm... can you play with my hair again, Mulder? I really liked it." She says. Her mouth is pretty close to my dick and I feel the vibrations of her words go through it as she speaks. Play with her hair? Christ, Scully, I'll do any damn thing you want me to. I start playing with her hair and we watch the movie again. Well, she does. My mind is somewhere between Scully and blow job and trying desperately and unsuccessfully to connect the two. 

I let my mind wonder over the days events as I play with her hair. It's good to have a moment like this where my mind can drift this way. I'm not that into the movie anyway. I mean the lead woman in it is pretty hot but that's about it. It's definitely a chick flick. She's a red head too and she has some seriously hot lips so she grabs my attention from time to time but she's no Scully. The red head in my lap that just gave me the blow job of a lifetime is a million times hotter without a doubt. 

She starts drawing lazy patterns on my leg as the characters in the movie get down and dirty in an old fashioned car. I feel my dick stir again and from where she's got her head I know that she must feel it too. I've never recovered this quickly in years. I'm not a teenager anymore but I'm somehow pretty much ready to go again just from her tickling up my thigh. That's seriously becoming a trigger for me. Who knew my thighs were so sensitive. I draw in a deep gasp of air. I don't want to pressure her or anything. And I certainly don't want her to think that this is all I want from her. I know that's why I'm here and I don't want her to know my feelings for her but... I just came not that long ago and I don't want to make her think she didn't satisfy me, she most certainly did. I do want her physically, so much, but it's her heart I want. I know why I'm here but I want her heart even more than her body. I'll settle for whatever she's willing to give me though. 

Scully turns in my lap so I can see her face. She cocks her eyebrow at me. 

"Don't have much of a refractory period, huh?" She grins up at me and brings her hand up to tease me through my jeans. 

"Not with you, Scully" I answer. I probably shouldn't have admitted that. I hope it's not too obvious that I'm crazy about her and that I'd only get hard again like this for her. I know I'm sporting some serious wood right now but I'm sure she thinks I'm just a total horn dog or that I'm responding to physiological stimulation. She's probably rationalising it in some way. "Just ignore it." I implore her and stroke up and down her back and side. I actually do want her to relax and watch the film regardless of what it looks like. 

"Now, why would I do that?" She smirks at me. The candles have burnt out now but her eyes still glow up at me in the semi light from the television. I feel another surge of blood flood to my cock. Her eye's are amazing! My love for them almost verges on obsession. They're so blue! I feel like they wash away all the pain in my life like soothing rain. Like they ground me to any happiness in my life. I've loved them right from the start. 

She stands up and holds her hand out to me. I grab it and stand up with her. What else am I going to do? She gives me a smile and walks us both into the bedroom. She flicks on the bedside light then turns back to me and the back of her legs hit the bed. She goes up on tip toe again and kisses me. I must look like a blushing virgin because she smiles up at me and softly says "It's ok. Calm down." I nod at her and go back in for more kisses. I'm sure I said it before but her mouth is definitely addictive. There is this taste that I get everytime her tongue brushes over mine that I simply cannot get enough of. We kiss for awhile and I feel myself calm down. If she wants to have sex right now then that's ok. I was being stupid to hope for anything more. It was selfish to make demands, even if they were in my own head. Whatever she wants. I'll do whatever she wants.

She turns away, effectively breaking the kiss and flicks out the light. The last thing I see is her sheepish little smile. What?!? No. I want to see her. Shit. What is she doing? I feel her back at my side "This should make it easier" She explains and pulls off her top. Atleast that's what I think she does. Not that I can know for sure since I can't fucking *see* her. Ugh, figures. I've got the love of my life right next to me half naked and I can't even see her. 

I thought we weren't going to have sex tonight? Didn't we agree to that? I'm so caught up in the fact that there's a half naked Scully pulling me towards the bed that I can't think straight. I start an internal mantra. Whatever she wants. Whatever she wants. What ever she... Shit. Get it together! Whatever she wants. Whatever... then my mantra is cut off and forgotten as her lips are on me. She misses my mouth by a few centimetres because she can't see me. I hear her let out a little giggle and she kisses my lips properly while still laughing. God, I love that laugh. 

"Scully..." I start but she cuts me off. Her fingers finding my mouth and covering it.

"Shh... it's ok. Just don't say my name." Don't say her name? Is she serious? What the hell? Who's name does she think I'm gonna say? I feel a pang of such sorrow I pull away from her a little. She doesn't even want this to be us. Doesn't want it to be *me*.

A sob actually gets caught in my throat and I swallow it down. Not letting her notice. That's why she's got the lights out. That's why she doesn't want me to say her name. I thought we'd at least be ourselves. I thought she'd atleast acknowledge who was inside of her when the time came. I push the thoughts away. I'm a hell of a lucky bastard to even be given the chance to be with her like this. So what if she doesn't really want me? It's still ok, right?

I lean down into the 'V' of her legs as we fall to the bed and kiss her more passionately. She pushes her crotch up against mine and makes a little gasp. She kisses me more intensely. I wish I could see her. I settle for the next best thing and *feel* her. I take off my t-shirt and lean back onto her. I'm a little careful of my weight on her but her naked skin feels incredible beneath mine. She *did* take her top off. Thank God. She's so soft. How the hell do woman get to be so soft? All the woman I've been with have had soft skin but Scully's is even softer.

I let go of her lips and move down the colum of her throat licking and sucking as I glide downwards. I give into the impulse I've had for years and suck lightly on her collar bone. She gives a throaty moan. I bring my hands up to her hair and twist them through it. God, I can't get enough of her. She smells and tastes wonderful. Her perfume has died down and it's pure clean Scully scent that I get from her skin. I've never wanted someone more than this. I let my head fall down to her chest. I want to see her nipples! Why the hell can't we have the light on!? I lick my way down and feel one of them rub my cheek. I'm a little off course thanks to the lack of lighting. I move over and suck on it.

"Oh, God." She growls at me. I swear she actually growled. "Mul... uh." She almost said my name! She did. I know she did. So much for pretending it's not me, Scully. I lick around her nipple and bite it softly. She gasps and begins to writhe on the bed. I kiss over to her other nipple and suck vigorously on it. She cradles the back of my head with her hands and groans again. Fuck, this is so hot. My cock is throbbing in time with my heart beat. Pulsing away like crazy. I wish I could see her though. What colour are her nipples? I'm sucking and nibbling on them and I don't even know what they look like. Are the a deep dark pink colour? A soft coral peachy colour? Maybe even a light brown. Christ, I want to see them! I want to see *her*. It's such a desperate desire that I choke down another sob and pull away from her. 

I can't. I just *can't* do this. I have to see her. I just *have* to. I lean over and switch the light on. I know I'm doing this for her or at least I'm meant to be but I'm not doing it like this. I can't. The first and only time I have Dana Scully in bed will *not* be some fumble in the dark.

She didn't seem so concerned with what we could see of each other when we were in the living room. Why is she now? She blinks in a startled way and peers at me though heavy lidded eyes. Questioning me. "Mulder..." I don't give her anytime to think this through or ask me anything. I know Scully and her mind goes a mile a minute. I don't want to give her anytime to think about my reasoning. I don't really want to make love to her tonight but she seems pretty intent on it and who am I to complain. 

I cut her off by going back to her breast the second my eyes get used to the light and I moan deeply. Half out of wanting her to know that she's turning me on in all her fully lit glory and half because I finally see that her nipples are a dark pinkish colour. Better than I'd imagined they would be and trust me I've imagined them a hell of a lot. Her areola's are a softer pink, almost peach and her entire breast is covered in goose flesh. Her nipple is screaming out for my lips. I kiss it and suckle it. It's rock hard. I move my hand to her other breast and pinch and roll that puckered nub lightly. She gasps and pants below me. Her hands going back into my hair, pulling me closer to her. 

"Muh... Mulder. Are we going to. to umm... M. Make love?" Make love? Ugh, fuck. She said 'make love'. I'm such a teenage girl but my heart picks up at that. It's probably just her way of putting a good spin on the fact that I'm here to have 'sexual intercourse' with her as she so eloquently put it in her letter. My mind races again. How do I tell her that's not what I want right now? Is that an insult? Shit. I want her but... I want to try a damn good few other things way before we get to that stage. Isn't that what couples do? Play around before they get down and do the naked pretzel? I know we're not a couple. I do. I just want to act like one this weekend, I guess. Give me one prefect memory before I go back to fucking my own hand. I know that's selfish and that's not why I'm here but I just can't help it.

"If that's what you want, Scully" I stop kissing her nipple so I can answer her. I move up and kiss her swollen lips again. "I personally have a few things I'd like to do first." I say and my hand bravely brushes down to cup her mons. I can feel the heat eminating there and the fabric of her pyjamas is moist. Jesus Christ. Scully's wet! For me! I know that shouldn't be a revelation since she rubbed herself to completion on me not that long ago but it blows my mind. That moist heat makes me moan out loud. I pull her mouth into a searing kiss. 

I kiss down her body with intent. Down between the valley of her exquisite breasts, down the dip below her rib cage and slowly, oh so slowly, over the tiny swell of her stomach. I run my tongue around her navel and give in to the need to dip my tongue in it. She shivers in what I hope is desire. I kiss her constantly and I can hear her moaning near the head board. I cast my eyes up at her and discover that she's watching me like a hawk. Her eyes never leaving me as I explore her. I reach for her pyjama bottoms and start to pull them slowly down. She freezes and pulls them quickly back up. She has this weird look on her face. The haze of lust quickly lifting off of her. Does she immediately realise with a start that this is *me*? That I'm about to see her. To touch her.

"Wait. Stop. I... please." She looks panicked. I thought she wanted this? I'm so confused. Maybe I'm going too fast for her. 

"I'm sorry. I'll go slower." I tell her and go to start kissing her stomach again. She pulls my head away from her body. Her eyes falling on mine momentarily, she looks terrified. And when I say terrified I mean fucking terrified. Damn it! What did I do wrong? Was I just going too fast? Did she realise with the lights on what a stupid idea being with me was? Now that she couldn't fantasise that I was someone else.

"No. No... it's not that." I give her a quizzical look and slide back up the bed to lay beside her. I want to kiss away the panic on her face. 

"Is it me?" I ask and I'm totally aware that I sound like a petulant child. Please don't let it be because it's me. Please don't, Scully. We can switch the light back off if you need to. Please. I love you so much, baby. I want you so badly. I feel like such a damn idiot. I said I'd do whatever she wants but I went against her wishes and put the light on anyway. Have I totally blown my chances?

"No! No." She twists and pulls me into a fierce kiss that proves it's definitely not because it's me. My hands slip over her bare back. Over where her tattoo must be and she moans a little. I love those sounds. I love being the one that's giving her a reason to make them. I don't understand what I did wrong though? 

"Then what is it?" I ask. I know it's probably breaking one of the stupid rules that we have in place and even though what we're doing is definitely breaking the biggest rule it still feels odd to ask her personal things. Like I'm about to get slugged or she's about to shut down on me and pull away. I said I'd be happy with whatever she could give me and I am but if I'm going to make love to her properly then I need to know *some* things. I need to know what speed she wants at least, right?

"I uhh... I didn't think that you'd want... what I mean to say is that I didn't expect for us to..." She flushes a bright red. She's blushed a lot tonight but I can practically feel the heat rolling off of her face with this one. She turns away from me, closes her eyes for a moment and let's out a big breath of air through her mouth. She opens them and studies the cream bedspread. "I didn't shave all of it off." She whispers. Her voice is so low, she's so mortified by her admission. I think I can see tears in her eyes too.

Shave all of it off? Oh... Oh, right. She means her pubic hair. Why in God's name would she want to shave it *all* off. I mean I'm all for woman doing whatever makes *them* comfortable but to be completely honest it's a big turn off for me. It always seems that woman do it to keep neat for guys or something. Like, because porn star's do it guys think it's hot so it trickled down to become mainstream.

To me, little girls have no hair there. *Woman* do. If I wanted a little girl... well... I'd be on the other side of the law. It's just not for me. It doesnt do anything at all for me. But hey, each to their own. A thought strikes me. If she isn't shaved, and thank God she isn't, then I'll be able to see her pubic hair. I've never seen a natural red head before. At least I don't think I have. I tried to buy porno's that stated 'natural red head' for awhile hoping it would calm my desire for Scully but when I noticed some of the dye rub off onto the guys dick I steered well clear from then on. But, Scully. My God. I could see them. Touch them. Ugh. I have to calm down enough to form a response. My brain is doing nothing helpful at all. It's stuck on the thought of her auburn mound. Fuck. That's the hottest thing I think I've ever known about. 

"Jesus, Scully." They're pretty much the only words my brain can come up with. I pull her to me. I'm surprised I didn't chock her with my tongue as I almost savagely kiss her. 

"Woah" She says as we pull away, gasping for air. "So you're not really a shaved kind of guy either." She giggles and pulls me in for another kiss. All the tears that were in her eyes are totally gone but she still looks embarrassed as hell "I... I should tell you that I'm... I'm a natural red head" She says to the bedspread like it's a bad thing. Like it's something she's deeply ashamed of. Who the hell made her think like that? I'll kill them.

"Scully. Ugh, You're killing me here." I tease and start kissing down her body again. The same slow way I did before. I moan more this time, trying to make sure she knows how hot I find it. My hands go to her breasts to toy with her nipples. This time she doesn't tense up nearly as much when I get to her trousers. There's still a little bit of tension in her though and I can almost *feel* her trying to push it aside. I move my hands away from her magnificent breasts to pull her pyjama bottoms down her hips. I hear her gasp as she lifts her hips to help their journey down. She's not got panties on either. That's so fucking sexy! She was rubbing against my cock in the living room without underwear on. God.

Holy. Fuck!... Christ, she's perfect. She is shaved a little into a neat thick line that stops just as it touches her lips. Her hair is a deep rich brownish red. Her lips are perfect, they're swollen with desire and a flushed pink. It's such a contact to her pale skin and I know they're hiding such wonderful secrets. It makes me desperate to part them. She starts to pull her legs closed as though she's embarrassed or worried at the look of awe on my face. I stop her motion with my body.

"God. You're perfect. Gotta taste you, Scully." I find myself saying. I'm not even really concious of forming the words. She looks away from me and smiles modestly. It's not really a smile at me but at my words. She actually seems kind of relieved which is a little weird. How can she not know how beautiful she is? How beautiful all of her is?

Her thighs shake around me as I immediately bend down to her. She smells heavenly and I have no idea how I missed that scent before. It's so intoxicating. I know that most guys don't exactly relish going down on a woman but, what can I say, I'm not most guys. It's not a warm up activity to me. Not a surprise from the guy with an oral fixation, huh. Ever notice the size of a sunflower seed is almost the same size as a clitoris? Trust me, I have. It's not just some means to an end. I love it! The feeling of a woman quivering around me as I lap up her juices. Nothing beats it.

I'd usually try to warm up to it a bit first to get her excited. Kiss her thighs and tease her but, Christ, I can't go slow. This is *Scully* that I can smell. Scully that I'm about to taste. She smells way too wonderful and I *have* to taste her. I dig right in. I thrust my tongue up into her as high as I can straight away. Oh, she's tastes even better than she smells. So tangy. She's salty and musky but a little sweet too. There really are no words that do justice to a woman's taste. None. The flavour is so heady. Each woman tastes a little different. They're all amazing but Scully has me high off of it. I want more! 

"Oh, Jesus, Mulder." She groans out through slightly clinched teeth. Yeah, Scully, it's me. Just you remember who's making you feel this good. Remember it's me! Please! Her hands come down to grip at my shoulder, my head, my neck. Everywhere she can touch. 

She's so restless above me as I stiffen my tongue even more and delve in and out of her core that I place an arm over her hips to try and keep her with me. "Oh, God! Yes!" I pull out and suck on her labia to try and get even more of her juices. "Mmm... Mulder. You're... ugh... That's it. Oh, oh God!" I slide my mouth up to move around her clit, never touching it, never giving her what I know she wants. I just dance my tongue near where I know she is the most sensitive. I don't want to give her direct pleasure there yet. I'm not done playing. I don't want her to cum just yet. "Mmm... uh. Nuh, Muld... nnn God!" I move my fingertips up the inside of her dhaking thigh and then slowly push my index finger into her. She's so wet that when I push my finger completely into her some of her juice leaks out, having no place else to go. I remove my finger and lift my head down and close my mouth around her opening. "Oh! Oh, God!" I lap up the juice that's spilt there. I press my tongue over her perineum as I like upwards to her core. She bucks up into my face with a grunt and hisses "Fuck" I'll need to explore *that* sensitive spot at some point. I go back to what I was doing once I've licked up all the moisture I can get. I pump in and out a few times with one finger while still caressing her with my tongue.

"Ho, ho...hoooo, God!" The sounds she makes drive me crazy. I add a second finger inside of her. "Yes! Uh, God!" She is unbelievably snug and I feel her walls pushing at my fingers. It's just my fingers and my cock is definitely a hell of a lot bigger. What will it be like when it *is* my cock pumping into her? That thought starts me pumping my own hips into the mattress. Desperate for any kind of friction. Anything to ease the ache there. "Uhh... Mulder. Christ, uh. Feels, oh, amazing! Mmm... Yeah. That's it. That's... ho, Mulder." She's really vocal. Could she be any more perfect? It's weird but I never really thought about if she would be or not. Now that I hear her I don't think I would ever peg her as being quiet anyway. She's so self assured and she's never meek or quiet in day to day life so why would now be any different? She wasn't as loud in the living room but she was still surprisingly vocal now I think on it. "Mmm... please. Need. Need. Nuh, God" 

I know *exactly* what she needs and I take pity on her. Enough toying around. I move my tongue quickly up to her clit. Sliding it over and over that spongy flesh. I play the hood up and down over it. I pay close attention to what she likes best. I've been teasing her long enough and it's time to let her come. I give her exactly what she needs by the sound of things. I pump my fingers in and out of her quicker and quicker. My other arm is still clutched over her hips trying my best to still their movement as she bucks and thrusts. My own hips grind into the bed as she thrashes around and grab's at me. "Oh my God, Oh God.... Ohh... ho, yes! Nuh, just like... that. Just. Ugh. God!" 

I brush my fingers against the wall of her vagina as I pump them into her, trying to find that elusive little spot inside of her that makes all woman wild. I find it, her G-spot, and make sure to rub it every single time I push in and out of her. I suck that little bundle of nerves into my mouth and suck it as my tongue flicks quickly over and over it. She's totally wild above me. Calling out to me, to God, to half her neighbors too, I'm sure, judging on how loud she is. She keeps telling me how amazing it feels. "Ohh... ho, ho. Fuck! Ahhh... I'm. I'm going to." She sobs out and I redouble my efforts. "Uhh, Jesus. Never. Never. Ugh. God. So goo oood... hmm. Muh, Muh, MULDER!" I keep a hold of her as she convulses on the bed. Her walls spasming tightly around my fingers. Her fingernails dig almost painfully into my scalp. Her thighs shudder around me as she comes hard.

I don't stop straight away. I let her clit go but I just slow down my fingers and lick her each time I feel her spasm. I try to prolong her orgasm and I think I succeed if the length of the throb of her walls are anything to go by. They just keep going. They slow down to only the occasional one and I reluctantly pull my fingers out if her. I take one long slow lick of her to get one last taste of her honey. That was the most beautiful thing I've ever been a part of. 

Her eyes are shut tight and she's gasping for breath. I lean down to where I'd left her trousers hooked on one of her ankles. I had to taste her too quickly to bother pulling them right off. I pull them back up her smooth legs and she seems hardly concious of it until I get to her hips and she lifts up a little. She flings an arm over her eyes and let's out a contented hum. I kiss her breasts tenderly and pull the duvet over her to keep her from chilling. I kiss her lips and then kiss the wrist that is laying over her eyes. She's smiling. Not a huge smile but one of complete bliss and satiation. 

She doesn't say anything for the longest time. I force my cock to calm down. This was just for her and I want her to know that. Besides contrary to the way my emotions have been behaving I'm *not* some hormonal teenager. I can control himself. Well, I can control my lust at any rate. I snuggle into her. Both of us topless. After a few minutes I hear her give a dainty little snore. She fell asleep. I feel oddly proud that I gave her such an intense orgasm that she's out for the count. I pull away from the amazing feel of her and go about shutting the house up. I switch off the tv and set the tape to rewind. I move our wine glasses to the sink and get the desert from my bag. I'd totally forgotten about it but i chuck it in the fridge. Im sure it'll still be good tomorrow. I make sure the door and windows are locked. I put on my pyjamas and brush my teeth then go back to her. 

"Hey" She says in a sleepy voice when she sees me. She must have woken up at the sound of my pottering. I feel remorseful that I woke her. "Sorry, I fell asleep." She looks bashful. I shrug.

"It's ok. I'll take it as a complement." I grin at her. Now that she's awake it causes me the dilemma of not knowing where to sleep. I was going to just tuck in with her but now she's awake she may not want me to. It's a bit too comfortable and it's not really why we're together like this. Should I offer to take the couch? Will she be pissed or offended by that? I don't want to put her in an awkward position. She gets up and pulls on her pyjama top. "I'll just be a minute" She tells me and disappears into the bathroom. I hear the sound of her brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed. Should I go and grab a pillow and some covers to make up a bed on the couch or something? Or can I sneak into the bed and fake sleep when she comes back? I'm still debating when she comes back.

"Why aren't you in bed?" She knots her eyebrows together in confusion. That little line I love showing up. I turn to her trying to think up an answer on the spot. "I'm so sorry. I should've... Do you need... umm" She walks over to me quickly and instantly falls to her knees before me. My God, she's trying to suck me off again. That's fucking unbelievable. Who knew Scully would be like this? Seriously.

I'm not a huge fan of standing up while a girls goes to her knees. It's seems too... subservient? I guess that's the word. She reaches up to pull my pyjamas bottoms down. I grasp her wrists to stop her hands. I don't want her to do this. Ok, I do. I am a guy after all but I want to hold her in bed more and she's obviously tired. I don't want her to feel some weird sense of obligation. I'm not keeping score here. I pull her up and she looks at me confused. I kiss her again slowly, she tastes of minty toothpaste, and shake my head. She seems to understand. We usually have that kind of unspoken communication. Sometimes it's enough, like now, and other times I feel like I'm screaming at her and she doesn't hear a damn thing.

She's saved me from upsetting us both and asking where I should sleep though. Dana Scully, own personal saviour. I pull her with me over to her bed. The prospect of sleeping with her curled up next to me is a very welcome one. I turn my back to her and look at the bed.

"I was just waiting for you." I lie answering her earlier quesion "What side's yours?" I hope she can't see through my lie. She doesn't seem to. She comes up close behind me and wraps her arms around my chest. 

"Whichever one is next to you" She says and smiles into my back before pressing a gentle kiss at the nape of my neck. It is perhaps the nicest thing I've ever heard and I turn in her arms for a small kiss. She hums into me. I know I'm taking what she's saying to heart too much. You can't exactly hold someone to what they say after, what sounded like, one hell if a good orgasm but hearing her say that somehow goes straight for me and I feel my heart beat pick up a little.

We walk over the bed and she lays down next to me. She takes the right side which suits me perfectly. I'm usually on the left anyway. When I sleep in an actual bed that is. She flicks out the bedside light and just as I'm about to turn over to give her space she snuggles into me. She's so warm and soft. I put my arms around her and kiss the top of her head. Her head rests on my chest and it thrills me that she's letting me hold her like this. This moment actually thrills me more than anything else we've done. It feels so tender and loving. I mentally slap myself for getting too sentimental. It's just this weekend and the main thing I'm here to do is have sex with her. I'm basically her personal gigalo for the next two days but I just can't help myself from feeling this way. I'm so happy. I know it's a twisted front and that we're just going through these motions to make sex easier but... I just can't help but love her, I guess.

The slight weight of her feels so good. So right. I reach up and play lazily with her hair again, knowing now that she really likes it. I hear her breathing even out after awhile and I know she's asleep. I have Scully sleeping on me. The thought makes me want to cry for joy. I start to give into the blissful pull of slumber too. I don't want to stay awake and end up over analysing all of this. If nothing else I'm going to have some damn amazing memories when this is over. I can't let myself get upset over all of this not meaning more. The emptiness of it all. It feels so real but I know it's not. It's really early for me to be falling asleep but it must be the Dana Scully effect. I drift off with my mind consumed by her.


	5. The morning after

# Chapter 5

 

I wake up before she does. She rolled off of my chest at some point during the night. Now she's facing me with her head on my pillow and she's hogging more than half of the covers. The little minx. She has an arm thrown over my waist in an almost protective gesture. Our legs are tightly tangled up in each others. Her little feet sit half way up the calf of my leg, between my feet and my knees. Her fluffy messy hair is brushing her freckled face with every little exhale she makes. Her heavy breathing is such a soothing sound.

Judging by the light seeping in the window it's only a little after dawn, maybe around six. I reluctantly lift my head up away from her's and confirm that it's half past six on her alarm clock. Far too early to wake her, especially on a Saturday. I lay back and gently brush her hair away from her face to see her better. She's such an angel when she sleeping. She's angelic all the time but even more so in sleep. Her face relaxed, none of her usual worry marring her features. I'm responsible for most of those lines but in sleep I can pretend she's happy and worry free. I can pretend we're a couple and that we're waking up slowly in bed together.

I close my eyes and focus on all the blissful feelings coursing through me. I try to ignore the nagging pain that reminds me my fantasy isn't real but I can feel myself start to continuously poke at it. I just can't ignore it, like a toothache you just can't help but touch with your tongue. You know it hurts but you can't seem to help yourself.

I can feel my eyes start to prick with the pain of it. With the pain of knowing I'll never *really* be with her. It's such a strange feeling. To know that I have her for this blissful moment in time but that she'll never want to take it further. This weekend is going so well so far though that maybe... I scoff out loud at the ridiculous thought. Scully hums in her sleep like she's responding to my stupidity. This whole time with her has been so perfect that I can't seem to stop it but I know it'll hurt. It hurts already, dammit. 

I scrunch up my eyes to stall my tears and slowly disentangle from her.

"Mmm... Muller. Come back t'bed" Scully mumbles low in her throat. Her eyes still shut, sleep trying to pull her in deeply again. My heart picks up at what she just said and I want nothing more than to crawl back in and snuggle up to her. My heart needs a break though. I just need a moment to come to myself and get my feelings back in check. Some time to collect myself away from her.

"Shh... go back to sleep, Scully" I mumble to her in a soothing voice that I hope doesn't wake her up even more. 

"Mmm'kay, Muller" She replies and wraps her arms around my pillow in my absence. She smacks her chops twice which instantly catapults itself into my top ten favorite Scully moments. It's so damn cute! I'd never tell her I thought some of what she did was cute or adorable or anything close to that. She'd probably kill me with a look if I ever let her know she is adorable. 

I grab my clothes from my overnight bag that's still in the living room and go into the bathroom. I debate about whether the showers noise will wake her up after I've brushed my teeth but I decide I sorely need one after last night's activities and hop in. 

The instant I close the glass door behind me I am surrounded by the scent of her. Completely surrounded! Jesus. I switch on the water and a very wet naked Scully floats through my mind. She's been in here. She's been *naked* in here. She's been naked and *wet* in here. My dick swells so fast that I grip at the tiled walls to stop my legs from collapsing under me. I shouldn't think like this. I mean, it's one thing to wank off to her in the pravacy of my own home but it's another to do it here. It seems so perverse somehow. 

Then again... it's not as if she's ever going to know and it *would* help my self control today. I'm meant to be going at her speed and if she doesn't want to do anything today and wants to wait until tomorrow then I'm screwed. I wanked before I got here yesterday and I still got painfully hard around her. Christ, I still got a throbbing hard on even after a mind altering blow job. She won't know if I just... She'll never know

My mind is made up so I decide to do this the best way possible. I grab her conditioner and squirt some of it on my right hand. I'm instantly overwhelmed by the smell of *her*. It's such a clean scent. Like the fresh rain on a hot summers night. It makes me think of sunshine and warmth and above all safety and happiness. I grip my cock firmly, it is now pulsing straight out in front of me. Bobbing it's appreciation for what I'm about to do. I stroke it slowly from root to tip once and dip my hand down to rub lazily at my balls just the way she did last night. I let a small shaky sigh excape me. I push away all my confusion about this weekend and focus on the fact that it may only be for about 48 hours but for these 48 hours she is *mine*.

I close my eyes and relive the blow job she gave me on her couch. Her scent surrounds and caresses over me as I pump the conditioner up and down my cock. I try to keep silent in case I wake her up. Oh, God... this feels so incredible.

I keep it slow and easy for as long as I can but I feel my need take over. I let my mind play her moans over and over as I quicken my pace. I stay as silent as I possibly can as the pleasure courses through my veins.

I wish I had the strength to put my other hand under myself and cup and stroke my heavy balls but I'm worried if I let go of the wall my legs will fall out from under me. The shower is wet and slippy and I sure as hell don't want *Dr* Scully to have to rush in and find her partner... weekend lover? Sprawled on the floor with one hand wrapped around his dick covered in her conditioner. I start to alternate playing with my balls and rubbing my cock. I add a little more conditioner and play with the sensitive underside and imagine it's her tongue again. I rub little patterns across the head of my dick with my thumb. The slippery conditioner making it almost unbearable sensitive. The smell of Scully's hair fills my nostrils. It mixes with the scent of sex in the air and I wonder if that's how we'll smell together. Her sweet fresh scent mixing with the musky scent of masculinity.

I start pumping my hand faster. My hips pushing in and out of my fist. Faster and faster. I clutch strongly at the tile grout and grit my teeth, trying not to make a sound. I pump my hand in a whizzing blur over my member. Then I feel my balls pull up and tighten. The orgasm that throbs through me tingles from my balls and radiates out over me. It flows from ground zero through my entire being until I feel even my toes start to curl. Creamy jets shoot out of my cock and paint the wall of her shower. 

I rest my head against my arm and take shallow breaths. I feel a little guilty that I've done this in Scully's shower but it fades pretty quickly. That's the best wank I've had it years. Who knew conditioner made such a difference! Or was it the realisation that it was Scully's bathroom? I've gotta put this to the test when I get home. I memorise the type of conditioner she uses and make a mental note to pick it up on my way back home. I bet it's expensive stuff. If I can have another orgasm like *that* then it's worth it though.

I grab my own toiletries and pay extra attention to washing my cock and pubic hair. It would be beyond embarrassing if she wants to go down on me again, smells her own conditioner and puts two and two together. Better to act with an abundance of caution when it comes to Scully. She is an investigator after all and a damn good one at that. I wash down the walls with the detachable shower head, getting rid of the evidence.

I finish my shower quickly after that and get dressed into the extra jeans I brought and a clean t-shirt. I'm glad I brought an extra two tops considering she got make up all over my black turtleneck. I've got on a plain red top with a round neck, I hope she likes me in red. I spend way too much time shaving and looking in the mirror. I'm glad I brought my razor with me. I have really thick hair and I always get a serious 5 o'clock shadow even a few hours after I've shaved. I like to keep my face clean shaven. I wonder if Scully likes it too. 

After spending a ridiculous amount of time in the bathroom I creep out. I peek into the bedroom and see that she's still sleeping. It's half eight already so I decide that it's ok to wake her soon. I go to the kitchen and set about making her breakfast in bed. A smile on my face the whole time. Who would have thought I'd be in the position to make Scully breakfast in bed. It gives me so much domestic bliss. I wish I could start every day this way. 

I make her pancakes and bacon. Despite what people seem to think I *can* cook. It's just a bit too depressing to cook for only yourself hence the startling amount of take out menus I have. They have a dedicated drawer all to themselves in my kitchen. I'm glad that Scully had everything I needed to make her breakfast. I had a stab of fear when I started that maybe she would be mad that I'd went through her cupboards. I'm sure she won't mind though when I wake her up with a hell of a good breakfast.

I put both of our plates, and some fresh orange I found in the fridge, onto a tray that I find on top of a cupboard. Why the hell does she keep it there? She must never use it considering there is no way she'd be able to reach it. The little covering of dust on it confirms that. I let out a chuckle and wipe it clean. It's probably the only slightly unclean place in Scully's home and that's only because she can't reach. Bless her.

"Wake up, sleeping beauty." I say as I appoach the side of her bed. I place the tray down on the bedside table and climb into the space on the bed. Scully just mumbles. "I made you breakfast, baby." I tickle my finger tip down her nose and lean in to kiss her forehead. "Come on, Scully. Wakey wakey"

"Mmm... no, Muller." She snuggles into my side and burrows her face into me. I smile at her. God, I love her.

"I made you pancakes and bacon, Scully" She sniffs a little and smiles at the smell. I wrap my arm around her and she moves in to the space between my neck and shoulder.

"Mmm... smells good, sweetheart." She murmurs near my ear. She still has her eyes closed. 'Sweetheart'? Did she just call me sweetheart? That's the first time she's ever given me that kind of term of endearment. A little pet name. My heart swells and I grip her tighter to me. Sweetheart. Mmm... That's nice! It has an 'S' in it too and the way Scully pronounces her 'S's verges on sinful. She's always done it. I think she maybe had a lisp as a girl and this is the remnants of it. A slightly lispy 'S' that makes my heart take up residence in my throat. No one's ever called me sweetheart before. Scully will never cease to amaze me. Now that word will forever be associated with her and this moment. She's still half asleep, of course, so I shouldn't really take it personally *but* she still said it. She called me sweetheart. I couldn't smile any wider if I tried. 

"You have to get up to eat it, baby." I chuckle a little as she scrunches up her face in mock annoyance. She flutters open her eyes and I catch a breath. Astounded anew at the depth I find in them. 

"Mmm... 'm wake. Did you say pancakes?" She smiles at me and sits up. I remove my arm from around her and she pouts playfully at me. I laugh under my breath and collect the tray from the table. I smooth out the duvet and hand her her plate. "Thank you, Mulder. You know I don't normally approve of crumbs in the bed but I think I can make an exception just this once" She smiles at me. I put the empty tray back after retrieving my plate. "Oh, wait" She says in alarm, her eyes wide. "You forgot something" I just look at her bemused. Oh shit, coffee, right? I forgot that she always has coffee in the morning. Idiot. She leans over smiling at me. Her eyes bright with mischief and she kisses me full on the lips. "Morning's in bed have to start with good morning kisses, Mulder" She tells me as if it's the most obvious thing in the world. She gives me a huge smile. I chuckle and lean in for another kiss. I'm about to deepen it on instinct but she pulls away and wrinkles her nose "Morning breath. Sorry" She smiles self conciously. Does she really think I care? 

I chuckle softly "I don't care. C'mere, Scully." I pull her into a mind blowing kiss. She plays a little hesitantly with my tongue. As the kiss deepens further she moans and losses all her inhabitions. Her tongue strokes against mine more thoroughly and we start moaning together. She pulls away with an endearingly bashful smile. 

"I don't want it to get cold, Mulder." She says as she digs in. I follow suit and we start to chat whilst eating. It seems that eating or driving are the main two triggers for us to talk. I guess it makes sense since those are the main things we do alone on the road. 

We chat about random stuff and I occasionally pass her her orange juice. We talk about things she's seen on tv or what her mum has been up to. I tell her about how I lost another fish last weekend. They're dropping like flies. She tells me about this new filtration system she's heard of. It warms my heart to think that she pays attention to the things I'd be interested in. She jokes with me about how she never knew I could cook. She seems pretty impressed. We finish our food but neither of us moves. We're silent for a while and the air gets heavy with unspoken words. 

"Thank you, Mulder." She squeezes my hand as I take her empty plate and I know that she's not just saying thank you for breakfast. I can't think of anything to say back to her so I just give her a quick kiss on the forehead and take the tray of dishes through to the kitchen. 

"I'm gonna go for a shower. I'll be out soon. You can watch some tv or whatever if you want?" She sounds a bit nervous and I assume it's about leaving me alone while she washes up.

I don't bother with the tv. I quickly start on the dishes before I hear the shower start. I'm not sure if her building is like mine but when I put on a tap at my place the shower water goes freezing and then scalding when I turn it off. I've had a few woman staying at my place over the years I've been there and, trust me, hearing a woman scream in shock and leaving dust in her wake as she leaves isn't a good thing. Especially not in the morning. 

I hear the shower go on and thank my luck that I've already fished the small amount of dishes we've used. I spend a relatively long time finding where everything goes once I've dried it. 

She comes out in a billow of soft steam. Her hair dripping wet onto her bare shoulders above the towel she's got wrapped around her. She smiles at me in passing and retreats to the bedroom. 

"Mulder?" She calls from the doorway about ten minutes later. She's dressed but her hair is still damp and she doesn't have any make up on. I rush over to her to find out what's wrong. The panic must show on my face because she gives me a reassuring glace.

"Uhm... Do you want me to do my hair and make up? Not like last night but... uh... normally? Or anyway you'd like?" Her eyes are dancing around the floor and not looking at me. The nervous energy consumes her again. 

I hate this! I hate that she thinks she needs to impress me or make herself look any differently than she wants to. I think she usually goes sans make up at the weekends when she's home so it actually kind of hurts that she isn't comfortable enough with me to do that. I want her to be comfortable. I thought we'd covered this yesterday. Didn't she get the hint when my head was between her fucking legs? 

I'm not really angry at her I remind myself. I'm angry at the situation, perhaps I'm angry at *myself*. Angry that I don't have the balls to tell her how I feel in case she starts to distance herself from me and I ruin this weekend for her. I hate that I can't take her in my arms and tell her how unbelievably perfect she is. Tell her how much I love and want her. Tell her how fucking gorgeous she is.

I put my fingers under her chin and lift her face up until she's looking at me. I try to make sure I say this right. I need to reassure her but not let on to how deeply I feel for her. "I want you to do whatever makes *you* happy Scully." I admit to her. "You're a gorgeous woman and I don't care what clothes you wear or what you put on your face or how you do your hair. You're gorgeous regardless of all of that stuff. Hell, you could wear a sack and roll around in mud and you'd still be hands down the hottest woman I know." Tears started to form in her eyes while I spoke but she didn't look away from me once. I'm sure I said to much. I shouldn't have told her all of that. I've probably spooked her. "Well... Maybe I should retract that and say jello instead of mud. *That* would most definitely be hot." I waggle my eyebrow's at her. I hope that adding a joke in takes away from the weight of my admission.

Her tears clear and she gives me her Mona Lisa smile "Thank you." She says with a scarlet blush. She cuddles me there in her bedroom and I tuck my chin over her damp head. She goes to pull back and I give her one tiny kiss before she gets away. I think I enjoy kissing her too much. I always loved kissing and Scully is incredible at it. It must be her plump lips. She tell's me she'll just quickly dry her hair. I go back to the kitchen and get us both a drink of water and by the time I'm back she's brushing out her now dry hair. I swallow down a moan as I set my eyes on that familiar voluminous sleek bob.

I feel my curiosity burn in me as she finishes brushing out her hair. It's a strange time to ask her these things but I want to know. I need to know. Was last night good for her? Why is she still a virgin? How many boyfriends has she had? How do I approach it? I've waiting long enough to actually talk to her about these things though. 

"So Scully... Why haven't you. Ehh..." I trail off. What am I doing? What an idiot. I have no right to know this. Do I? God, my confusion about all of this is slamming back in to me.

She sighs "I knew you were just waiting... Just ask, Mulder. I'll do my best to answer whatever you want me to and I'll do it as truthfully as possible" She puts her brush down and turns to look at me. "First, let's get a comfortable seat. Even suspects get a seat when they're interrogated." Her words would have hurt had I not seen the cheeky smile she had on her face.

We move to the couch and I feel a wave of nausea flow over me. I place our water on the coffee table after taking a sip to try and calm my stomach. What should I ask her? Is this even my business. I decide to keep emotions out of it and just ask her for facts about her sexual experience. I don't think I could handle her actually *saying* that I'm just here for 'sexual intercourse' and nothing else.

"Ok... uhm" I start but my words die in my throat. She laughs. A sound I've come to completely love.

"You know you have to actually ask me something if you want an answer." She says and turns to face me fully on the couch. She crosses her legs Indian style on the couch. I realise it for what it is. It's a barrier. A defensive posture to keep me away physically as I fish unwanted into her emotions.

"Why haven't you had sex?" I blurt out. I keep my eyes trained on her feet. She didn't put socks on and those pretty pink toes ground me.

"Woah... You're just diving right in, huh." She giggles in a shy self concious way. "Well... as I said in my letter my Mother waited and so I did too. Then my life got too busy, I guess" She tells me in a somber way.

"And you never... wanted to?" My voice breaks half way through the question. Do I really want to know the answer?

"Are you sure you want to know the answer to that, Mulder?" She asks reading my mind. She looks up at me through thick lashes then leans over to drink some of her water. Now that I've said the words out loud I can't not know the answer. I nod my head vigorously. I might not be ready to hear about her wanting anyone else but I feel like I *have* to know. There's this strange curiosity burning in me to know everything there is to know about this woman. This mysterious enigma wrapped in defence.

"Ok... uhh... I don't know how to tell you this. Promise you won't get mad." She pauses until I say that I'll try.

"I wanted to sleep with Ed Jerse. Well... no, not really *wanted* to but I... do you remember that case. The one where you vehemently sujested Leonard Baits was devouring tumorous masses to regenerate his own dead cell's... when, when I got into the fight with him at the hospital. I omitted a certain detail from my report and from you. He said to me that he was sorry but that I had something he needed. I woke up that very night with a nose bleed. I refused to believe it. I couldn't allow myself to think I had cancer. I was... I was too scared and without any concrete evidence I could ignore it. I could deny what I felt but I did feel it, Mulder. There was part of me... I just... I wanted to chase it away in Philadelphia, to ignore it. I tried to be something I wasn't. I thought... I felt like if I slept with him I'd have had one wild moment, something I'd never done before, that I could be... proud of. One moment where I could stop thinking and just *be*... I wasn't my Father's pride and joy or my mother's only living daughter. I wasn't an agent or a doctor or someone who might have cancer. I was just a woman having a wild one night stand. It would have been one moment that I could have had just for me that no one had to know about. I'd never have to tell anyone about it. I could be whoever I wanted to be... I couldn't do it though. It was impulsive and rash and laughably far removed from who I really am. It was absurd. I haven't done anything wild since I was a teenager stealing my mum's cigarettes. I knew it would make me ashamed in the end so I... I just didn't go through with it. I couldn't have my first time be with someone that I didn't, uhm, care about. That was the only time I very seriously considered having sex." She confesses. That's a lot to take in. I want to be mad with her for not telling me about her cancer when she first suspected it but I can't. She must have been so terrified and I didn't have it in me to get annoyed at her for trying to come to terms with it alone.

"God, I'm so sorry, Scully. You could have told me. I would've... I'm not mad" She gives me a weak smile. I want to know more. "There was no one other than him?" 

She just shakes her head but I can tell that there has to have been other time's. I know she was with Jack Willis. She had to have done things with him. I want to beg her to tell me every single person she's *ever* been with but I relent. 

"It's not really my business anyway. I shouldn't have asked. Sorry." 

"Don't apologise, Mulder. I can tell you every single sexual experience I've ever had if you need to hear them but I just don't see the point. What difference would it make? I didn't had sex with any of them." She's reading my mind again. I nod my head feeling like I've just been told off. 

She looks me deep in the eye and leans over her leg barrier and kisses me. I think she can tell that she upset me a little by not telling my about her cancer back then and she's easing the pain with soothing kisses. "Anything else?" She arches her eyebrow at me. I chuckle but there are other things I want to know. I wish their weren't so that I could keep kissing her.

"Uhm... Actually yeah." She pulls away from me and goes back to her original spot. "How, ugh, how far have you gone?" 

"Oh... well... I..." She looks embarrassed again. I wish I could stop making her feel like that. She starts fiddling with her fingers in her lap. "What we, what we did on the couch." She's blushing profusely and looking at her hands. I wait thinking she's going to say more but she doesn't. The couch. Not the bedroom. That means...

"No one's gone down on you?" I ask her.

"Jeez, Mulder!" Her head snaps up to mine. I could fry an egg on her face. I just raise my eyebrows at her hoping to get her to tell me properly.

"No, Ok... No one's ever 'gone down' on me as you put it. Except... well, *you* were there for that." Her eyes hold mine as she answers me. I was the first one to go down on her? No wonder she'd fallen asleep after it. If my memory serves me well my first blow job was *seriously* intense and that was from a drunk girl at a party in high school who didn't really know what she was doing. She enunciate's each word perfectly and makes sure her intonation will tell me she's teasing me when she tells me I was there for it.

"No one's ever even tried? I just find it hard to accept. That's all. You taste..." I groan. There's no words "Seriously, no one? I'm not judging." I hold my hands up in a mock of surrender as her eyebrows start to creep up to her hairline. She gives that small laugh that's an exhale of air and a smile. 

"Well... not exactly no one. I mean he would have if I hadn't been...It's personal, Mulder." The blush that had calmed a little resurfaces and she goes back to looking at her hands and fidgeting with her fingers. Personal? What? Seriously? It's so like Scully to come up with that shit. As if asking me to make love with her is less personal than opening up a little.

"Do you really want to hear about this? It's a long story and it's not a very happy one." I think she says that to try and get her way out of telling the story. 

"I've got all the time in the world." I assure her. I want her to tell me something personal. It'll help make more of a bond between us before we become completely physically intimate. 

"Ok... in med school I" She sighs "I started seeing this guy, Daniel. He was my professor. He was married but... I guess I wanted what I thought he could offer me. He was a remarkable man and a very well respected doctor and teacher. I was really young and niave and I... I thought we were meant to be. He was a lot older than me. Missy said I had some version of an Oedipus complex which is too disturbing to even think about." She tries to chuckle at that but it's hollow and doesn't touch her eyes. I keep listening to her intently "I know now that he was manipulative and... and cruel to me." She practically chocked on the words. She isn't comfortable with being weak or having someone take advantage of her so I imagine admitting that someone treated her cruelly and she let them takes a lot for her. "He meant a great deal to me back then though. One night we uh... we started making out in my room. He sneaked into my dorm a lot. To start with he'd just help me study but it became more intimate and physical as time went on. I had my own room and it was safer there. We wouldn't get caught. I knew that it was wrong to be with a married man, even back then, but I was so sure, Mulder." She whispered out the last bit as if she was ashamed of the feelings she had once had for this man "I thought he'd make me a great doctor and that being with him would... well it would introduce me to all the right people. That he'd give me the life I had dreamed of and he'd protect and treasure me. I have to laugh now at how utterly foolish I was back then. The things I thought were desirable in life." She snorts and rolls her eyes, I see them fill with tears of sadness and regret. She presses her lips together in her mouth so I can't see them anymore. She takes in a shaky breath through her nose and continues heedless of the few tears that have escaped. "We made out a lot more that night and we, uhm, touched and petted. He took off my clothes and he kissed and, ehh, licked down my, my stomach. I was so nervous but kind of, I don't know, exhilarated at the same time. He slowly took down my panties. I was terrified but I was so excited to finally *feel* it. To know what all my girlfriends spoke of first hand. Then he... he just kind of... stopped. He looked up at me and he said 'Oh, uhm, you're a *natural* red head' and he pulled my panties back up. He looked. No, he *was* so disgusted. He quickly kissed me good night and just left me there. I was so humiliated and ashamed with myself. After that he didn't sneak up to my dorm anymore... We just stopped dating or seeing each other outwith class. I never wanted anyone to know about my pubic hair. I never let anyone see it... well... until last night." There is a steady stream of tears spilling out of her big blue eyes and she won't look at me. I try my best not to touch her in comfort until she's finished. I know she wouldn't appreciate sympathy. "Not even Jack knew I was a redhead. I was so embarrassed about it. I dyed my hair brunette and prayed that there would come a time when people just... simply forgot my natural colour." Tears are streaming down her face now. She hardly ever cries and she's making a valiant effort not to just now but it's failing her. She shrugs and makes a strange upside down smile, her beautiful face downturned. I'm so dumbstruck that I'm totally struck mute. What an asshole. My heart breaks for a young Dana. She was getting taken advantage of by that mother fucker. He was older than she was. He should have chased away anything bad in her life, not *been* the bad. 

Her hand reaches up and she quickly brushes the tears from her cheeks in anger at herself for showing how much she's hurt by the memory. The motion catches me and pulls me out of whatever stupor I've been in. I lean over to her. I open my arms around her but she pushes them away shaking her head. "It was a long time ago. It doesnt matter now but you wanted... you asked me so I told you." She says sniffing back her whimpers. It may have been a long time ago but it clearly still affected her. 

"That's why you wanted to shave it all of?" I say aloud just as the thought strikes me. She nods her head and finally gives into me and falls forward to my waiting arms. I pull her close to my chest. 

"I didn't think you'd want to do that or I... I would've. I just normally don't and I didn't think you'd want... so I didn't get rid of it." She whispers into my shirt. She's making the occasional whimper and I'm scared. She's never done this before. She's totally leaning on me. Physically and emotionally. It's pretty overwhelming.

"I'm *so* glad you didn't, baby. You're beautiful just like this. He was an idiot. Shh... it's ok" I run soothing patterns on her back. She sniffs and I feel her smile against me. She pushes her hand between us and wipes at her eyes again. 

"I'm sorry that I'm behaving like this. I ask you to come here so we can..." She trails away as I start to play with her hair.

"Don't you dare *ever* be sorry for sharing something personal with me. I'm so sorry that happened but I'm glad you trusted me enough to tell me." I cuddle her tighter and continue playing lazily with her hair.

She pushes away from me and looks me dead in the eye. "Mulder, you're the only one I trust." She says. The words rings with a thousand conversations. She cuddles back into me, her tears have stopped. We just hold each other and I toy with her hair. She hums happily. 

I can't believe that she had to go through that. What a mother fucking asshole. God, she must have been so upset. She was a vulnerable young woman embarking on her first real sexual experience and he just pissed off and left her feeling ashamed of her gorgeous hair and confused about her desire not being released. I feel awful for her. Poor young Scully. I'll kill him! How dare he leave her feeling this bad about herself.

Is it a little sick that as much as I wish she hadn't went through that that I'm glad she did. I'm glad I was the first one to give her that. The first one to taste her. The fact I was her first doesn't quell my anger for this Daniel, however. How fucking dare he have made her feel like this.

I keep toying with her hair. I want to ask her more now that she's opened up "You're not really over it, are you, Scully? Let me know how I can help... And just so you know I like your red hair. On your head and... *anywhere* else." My voice is teasing but my words are honest.

She puffs out a laugh then shuffles in my arms until we're both laying facing each other on the couch. She's mostly on top of me given the small amount of space. "You've already helped, Mulder." She says seriously and kisses me on the cheek "More than you know" She snuggles back into my chest and closes her eyes.

I wonder if she's dozed off. She's really quiet and her grip on me has slackened. I stop brushing my fingers on her scalp "Aww... I liked that, Mulder." She grumbles at me. On anyone else I'd call it a whine. 

"Sorry, baby, but I think it's lunchtime and I need to pee anyway." She shifts off of me. She hovers near my face for a moment. I can tell she wants to kiss me but she holds back for some reason. I close the distance and make the move for her. My lips meeting hers in a chaste but sweet kiss. "I'll go to the bathroom. Why don't you go choose something for lunch and we'll make it." I say to her just centimetres from her mouth. 

"Kay." She says with a sweet smile and hops off the couch and skips a step or two on the way to the kitchen to see about lunch. She's almost child like in her actions sometimes. This last day has revealed more about her than I ever thought it would. I love every single aspect of the new more open Scully. 

I head to the bathroom, thinking about her the whole time. She's a lot more of an emotional person than I thought she was. She's much more open than I thought she would be too. She's probably a little emotionally damaged thanks to that dick wad but she keeps on her brave front. It goes a long way to explaining why she keeps herself so closed off and keeps her emotions in check. She's been really hurt when she was at her most vulnerable and it haunts her. I hope I did help in some way last night. I hope I can make up for what he made her feel about herself.

Her walls have started to crack a little but I want to haul them down. To dance in the wreckage of them. I'm sad that these days seem to be going by so quickly. It's already lunch time. We've spent all morning mostly hugging on her couch. I want to spend more time with her like this. I'm still in her apartment but I already feel like I'm missing her.

She's letting it slowly go the more we chat and I see more of the *real* unguarded Scully but I know when I leave it'll be back to business as usual. I want to spend as much time as I can with this more open Scully, the one that doesn't have spiked barriers around her heart. I knew coming into this that it would be hard to go back. I've not even been inside of her yet but it's already painful to think of life without her.

I'd asked the questions and she said she'd try to answer as well as she could. I had thought she'd have been very guarded in her responses all the same but she *wasn't*. She was honest with me and she even cried in front of me. It was a very heady feeling. She was much more trusting than normal. I adored this new side of Scully. I hoped to God she wouldn't pull back into herself.

I finish washing and drying my hands and head back through to the kitchen to join her and help with lunch. Even the amount of time it takes to pee is too long away from her


	6. The admission

#Chapter 6

 

"Tuna salad sandwiches?" She asks when she sees me come through the door. Her head is turned towards me with a smile. Her dazzling beauty makes me stomach flip again for about the millionth time. She looks the picture of domesticity in her grey cardigan and black trousers. She's stunning attractive all the way from her sleek bobbed hair to her little painted pink toes.

"Sounds good, Scully." I tell her as I walk towards her. I put my arms around her waist as she stands spreading bread at the counter. Just because I can. I want to soak up every single bit of her for as long as I can. I kiss up her neck. She hasn't put any perfume on and I can smell and taste sheer undiluted Scully. I'm thrilled that I can touch her like this. That she's not pulling away or giving me a right hook. How did I get here? Standing in her kitchen kissing up her elegant neck.

She reaches her hand up and scratches through the hair at the nape of my neck. "Mmm, that's so nice, Sweetie" She says. Ugh, she called me sweetie. I guess sweetheart *is* my pet name now. Sweetie is just a shortened version of it. It wasn't just a sleepy fluke! Fucking hell. Scully gave me a pet name. I doubt she's concious of calling me it. I've been calling her baby a lot and I'm not really conciously doing it. I just want to. I feel a little rush of blood move down to my crotch. My stomach drops dramatically and floats up again on with wings of butterflies. It's such an odd feeling. So exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. 

I can just tell that weeks from now I'm going to be replaying her saying that pet name as I wank with her conditioner on my throbbing dick. How much of a fucking loser am I? I know I'm perverted. I mean, who thinks of their best friend like this? It's wrong. I wish I could pretend I wouldn't, that I'd stop, but I know I won't. I'm so fucking sick. Am I objectifying her? I love her and I want her too much. Still, I shouldn't think of her like this, should I? She doesn't want me the way I want her and going through with this is dishonest, isn't it? The guilt of it plagues me but I can't seem to force myself to stop.

"What're you thinking?" She asks me when she goes back to spreading the bread. My fingers and slowly drawing circles on the curve of her hips. I'm resting my chin on her round shoulder, just contentedly watching as she spreads bread.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing." I'm such a liar! I'm a coward though. As much as I know I should take the noble path and stop this, I just can't. I should talk this through with her. I really should. We haven't really talked much about this. Not really. She's told me about two experiences she's had. The one with Jerse and one with Daniel. We haven't talked about *us* at all. About how this will change us. How it probably already has.

Well I've already gone further with her than she's ever been so it's cruel to stop now, right? No, i know I should stop. Im making up weak ass excuses. I should but I'm already too addicted. I'm too hung up on her and as much as it may be the right thing to do for both of us I can't leave. I just can't.

"Oh... ok." She says sceptically. I can practically see her eyebrow raised even with her back turned. She always sees through my bullshit. I both love and loathe her for it. She doesn't ask again. Instead she turns in my arms after she's finished buttering and kisses me. It's a deep kiss and her tongue plays actively with mine. Her hands go to my ass and she grinds her hips into me while pulling me close. I can feel my cock bulging in my pants. I knew this would happen. Even after an amazing wank in her shower my body still responds to her. 

She breaks away from the kiss and pants. "Do you want to go to the bedroom?" She pants out at me. Her face mere inches from mine. Her eyes glittering at me. Jesus, she actually just asked that. I've heard woman say that before and it always led to sex. I ignore the voices that tell me not to do this and just nod my head. She smiles up at me and goes in for another kiss. How can I stop myself when she looks so damn tasty.

She takes my hand and we start moving to the bedroom together. My stomach is going crazy and I'm sure my heart has went into tachycardia. She keeps turning to me on the way there and we make it ever time she does. It's like she wants me so badly she can't keep her hands off of me. My cock is pulsing and my mind isn't working well. I swear it's due to the lack of blood getting there right now but I just can't remember why I'm a selfish son of a bitch for wanting her like this.

I'm about two seconds away from hauling her clothws off and fucking her against the wall when we *finally* get to the bedroom. We sit on the bed and I feel like a teenager whose doing this for the first time as we make out. How does Scully manage to reduce me to this? I'm supposed to be the experienced one her. I move my hands all over her. The plain grey cardigan she's got on tucks in over her perfect breasts. I touch her there and she moans into our kiss. 

I start to undo the buttons of it. Revealing her milky soft skin inch by glorious creamy inch. She bucks her hips involuntarily and groans. Her tongue moving faster with my own. Her manicured finger nails scrape at my hair and then move down to the hem of my t-shirt. She starts desperately pulling it up. She let's out a soft grumble when it refuses to cooperate. I get the hint and pull away for a fraction of a second, with a grin and haul it off. I throw it somewhere on the floor. I don't care where. 

"Oh, God, Mulder" She whimpers and drops her head immediately. She lick's and bites at ever single bit of my newly exposed skin she can reach. I can hear moaning and then realise it's coming from me. I clutch at the back of her head and she moves over to my nipples. Mmm, fuck. She sucks and nips at them. No one's really ever payed attention to my nipples before. I can see why woman get off on it. Christ, it feels so good. She's suckling at them. Pulling them up into tight hard nubs. 

"Ugh, fuck! Oh, Scully" I pull her head up to me. I have to kiss her again. As good as what she was doing to my nipples felt I need to taste her rosebud lips again. We devour each other. Her teeth nip and suck at my lower lip a few times. Then her tongue delves into my mouth. It's like she's mapping it out. Tracing over my teeth and the roof of my mouth before zeroing in on my tongue. I suck on it as she pushes it into my greedy mouth again. She moans loudly. 

I undo the rest of her buttons. She's only got a bra on underneath. I bought a bra back in high school and used to practice taking it off a pillow. It sounds like such a loser thing to do but it's definitely served me well. I reach around with just one hand and unhook it. She let's it fall down her arms. I'm stuck between wanting to gaze down at her topless body and carrying on the kiss. I settle for kissing her passionately and moving my hands over her body. The creamy mounds of her breasts and the dip before the tiny soft swell of her stomach. She feels so perfect. I'm touching her. I'm actually touching Scully. I've practically forgotten what she feels like already.

I give up my internal battle and bend down to her nipples. I suck hard on one and tweek the other. She grasps the back of my head and moans. "Mmm... oh, Mulder." I lean back and blow on it, mesmerised at it crinkling up to tight peak. I nip playfully at it, then give the same attention to the other.

I pull almost reluctantly away and start to kiss her again. She runs her hand up the inside if my thigh again. I think she's caught on to how much I like that. Once she reaches the apex of my thighs she rubs her fingers over my erection, moaning something unintelligible into my mouth as we kiss. I want to ask her what she was trying to say but her fingers pull down my zipper and I loose the ability to form words for a moment. 

She pulls away from our kiss so she can see my button to undo it. Her head is downcast watching what she's doing. Once she gets it open her eyes cast up to mine through her thick lashes. They're wide and seductive. I kiss her again. Then I push gently in her shoulders to get her to lay on the bed.

"Scully?" I want to see if I can stall having sex with her again. I can just go down on her. Would that be enough for just now? We still have all of Sunday off work. I want to still be here then. She kisses me deeply. She's going to get pissed at me. I'm sure she is. The more I can put off the inevitable the longer I'll get to stay here and be with her like this though so I have to try. I can sweet talk her into another blow job, I'm sure I can.I want her so much but the second I let myself make love to her I'm out of here. If she wants to then who am I to say no though? Why is this so fucking hard? 

"Mmm?" She questions me as her hand dips into my trousers and caresses my hard shaft through my boxers. Her lips not leaving mine.

"Uhmm... are you sure you want to have sex right now?" I ask her pulling away from those fantastic lips. It sounds so pathetic. I know it does. I'm not the one facing my first time here but this is the only time that's *ever* going to matter to me. I need to get it right. I want *more*. I want to ho slow. I want to go fast. I want longer. I want... forever.

"You don't want to, do you?" She pulls her hand so quickly out of my boxers and rolls out from under me that she nearly gives me whiplash and. "God, I should have known that's what was going on here." She huffs and pulls on her cardigan. She's pissed. Shit. I knew I should have just done it. I said I'd follow anywhere she led and I went against it. I got far too selfish! She buttons her cardigan facing away from me. I should have just accepted what she wanted. What the hell kind of guy over thinks having sex with Dana Scully. Fuck! 

"No. No, I do want you. I want to" I say quickly. She's standing up and staring down at me. There are fireworks going off in her eyes. She's livid. I've seen her mad at me before but she's never usually hurt *and* mad. 

"Cut the crap, Mulder. I kept thinking you just wanted to go slow. That you were trying to make it good for me. I dressed up like a goddamn whore for you. How could you do this to me!? You didn't even need to show up here, you know. I said we'd pretend it didn't happen. I gave you an easy out! How the fuck can you do this to me?" She yells at me. I go to stand up but I don't want to seem confrontational towering over her petite form so I stay on the edge of the bed and wear my patent pending fish impersonation face.

"I did want to make it good for you, Scully. I did. I do! Please!" I shout at her. She is seriously pissed off. I'm such a jack ass. I should have just kept going. I've definitely screwed this up. Now I'm not even going to *get* to have sex with her. What a moron! 

"Spare me the bullshit." She hisses. She throws my t-shirt at me. "Look, just forget it. I'm humiliated enough."

"Humiliated? What are you talking about. I want you, Scully. I really do!" 

"Oh, please. I threw myself at you last night and you just brushed me off. You say all the right things to me and I start to think that you really do just want to just be slow and romantic. That you respect my too much to just fuck me. I throw myself at you *again* just now and you start backing out, *again*." Thick tears are forming in her eyes and she pulls her arms around herself. "I'm such an idiot." She whispers to herself. "Look, we'll just forget this ok. I think you should just go home, Mulder" She finishes and tries like hell to stop any of her tears from overflowing and cascading down her cheek.

"What? No, Scully. That's not what I was doing! I wasn't backing out. I wasn't. I'm *not*" I've got my t-shirt back on and even though I know it'll look like I'm trying to lord over her I can't help but stand up.

"Save it, Mulder. After what I told you about Daniel too." A tear or two slip out. They are angry bitter tears. I've never seen her like this before. "How could you?! That was so personal!... If you didn't want to then you could have just told me! I'm not just your little fucking lap dog. I have feelings, Mulder! I just wanted to feel safe and respected while I experienced something new and frightening to me. And you treat me like..." I can't even form words. My heart is shattering. That's what she thinks I think of her? My lap dog? "For fuck sake!" She shouts. She really is a sailer's daughter. She's slashing her arms through the arm to emphasis her point. "Just get out. I can't believe you! What the hell did you think pretending was going to achieve?" She's glowering at me with so much venom that I can hardly think. No, Scully! I wasn't pretending. I'm never pretending with you! Don't you know? Can't you see? I love you! "Poor dying, Scully. Shes got cancer and there's absolutely nothing she can do about it! Poor virgin, Scully. I better fuck a good memory into her disgusting body before it withers up on her and she..." 

"I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU, SCULLY!" I scream out at her. Oh, fuck! I hadn't meant to. Shit. Shit. Shit. I want to take it back! I *need* to take that back. Shit! She's just staring at me in shock. Both of us are breathing hard. Oh, fuck. What did I just do. What the *fuck* did I just do?! 

I start to stalk to the door. I can hardly breathe. I need to get out of here. I need to get away from her. What a goddamn moron! I should *never* have come over here. I should have known better. I reach the doorway and feel her hand clutch at mine, stopping me. 

"What did you just say?" She whispers. Her eyes trying to meet mine. She's blurry and that's when I realise that I've got tears in my eyes. I feel sick and lightheaded. Please, Scully. Atleast leave me some dignity. Let me leave. Please.

"Just let it go. I'm sorry I ruined this. I'm sorry for all of it, Scully" Her hand grips mine tighter and she pulls me back into the bedroom to sit on the bed. I'm so numb that I just let her pull me like a ragdoll. My stomach plummets and rolls. There's no butterflies to pick it back up now. I'm such a fucking idiot. How could I have done this? I was doing so well pretending before this weekend. What the hell was I thinking? How did I think I'd be able to survive this? 

"Mulder." She says my name and bends her head down to meet my eyes. My tears slip down my face. I won't let her meet my eyes. I'm so ashamed. She wipes at the tears on my cheeks but it only makes me cry harder. "Mulder, stop. I'm sorry I yelled." Her blurry form smiles a bit at me. 

"I'm gonna go." I say abruptly and pull away from her warmth. I walk quickly back towards the bedroom door. Determined to leave this time. If I go now atleast I might be able to still work with her. Oh, God. I feel so sick. Why the hell did I tell her that?! She'll never want to work with me again. Oh, God. What have I done?! I've condemned myself.

My stomach churns and my heart pounds. Oh, shit. I'm gonna hurl. What a way to add insult to injury, huh. Sorry I just ruined the best friendship either of us has ever had and, now, if you'll excuse me I have to go spew up. I can never do things in half measures, can I? She's going to leave me. Fuck! Oh, God.

I half stumble, half run to the bathroom. Grasping one hand over my mouth and the other over my heart as it shatters. I bounce off of some of the walls on my way. I drop painfully to my knees and throw up. Purging myself of all the pain I'm in. Who knew a broken heart was *this* bad. Fuck! What have I done. What did I just do. Oh, God.

I'm crying and snotting all of it out with the contents of my stomach. What a loser! It's only after I'm done that I notice cool soothing hands rubbing up and down my back. Ever the doctor, huh, Scully? Even when someone's just ruined everything.

Oh, Jesus what have I jyst done?! I can't even think straight. I shake my body to try and knock her off of me. Like someone throwing a bee off of them to stop being stung. I know the sting is still coming though. The 'you're a great guy but let's just be friends' sting.

"Shh... Sweetie. It's ok. It's ok. Get it all out." She's still rubbing at my back gently and I gag again. Nothing comes out. How can she still stand to be near me? After what I just admitted? How can she want to be anywhere near me. My stomach lurches and I gag into the toilet again. There's nothing left in. "That's it. It's ok, Sweetheart." She murmurs to me in a sweet voice.

"I'm so sorry, Scully. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." I start to repeat those two words over and over again. They echo around the toilet where my head still hangs. She slowly spins me round and holds me closely to her as I weep. I can do nothing else. I cry out all my confusion, all my self hatred, everything. She's so kind that she just keeps hugging me and whispering comforting words to me. Christ, what a mess. 

"Better?" She asks when my tears finally stlow to a stop after about five minutes. I nod into her shoulder. Please, don't hate me, baby, please!

"Good." She brushes my sweat soaked hair off my forehead. What a sight I must make "You know when someone says they love somebody that someone should to atleast wait around for a response, not run away and throw up. It doesnt exactly make the somebody *feel* very loved." She chuckles into my neck. Her hands don't still on me and she drops them to my back again. Gently rubbing the tight muscles. She alternates between that and rubbing my scalp. I'm so sorry, Scully. She was right, how could I do this to her? 

"I'm... I'm so sorry, Scully." I say and pull away from her embrace. I stand up and go to leave.

"Don't you dare, Mulder." She calls after me, standing up with her eyebrows raised to her hairline. "Don't you dare run from me again." I stop where I am. I guess she's not letting this go. Of course she's not. I hang my head. She's like a dog with a bone about everything. "Brush your teeth to get rid of the acid and meet me back in the bedroom.... and *no* running." She tells me and leaves me there. I'm left staring at where her form used to be. I *want* to run. I want to leave so badly. I know that if I do she's only come after me and she'd be even more pissed for the inconvenience.

I spend a long time calming myself down. Ok, she wants to talk so maybe I haven't totally screwed up this friendship. Maybe she can look past my little declaration. I could tell her I was lying? Yeah, right. No, I'll just be honest. I'll explain to her that I'm sorry and that it won't interfere with work. That it doesn't have to mean anything. No, I'll offer to transfer. No, I'll leave the FBI... Oh please let her look past this! I need you. I need you, Scully.

She's gonna be so disgusted that I used this situation to my advantage. She's bound to completely hate me! Well done, Mulder, in the course of less than 24 hours you've ruined your life. Nice one. I can live with this... Can't I? She already knows all about my porn collection and that I'm a bit of a pervert and she still works with me. This will be fine. Oh, God. It won't be fine. No. No. No! Why did I do this?! I cry hard at what I've just lost. She's slipping through my fingers. The best friendship and partnership I've ever had gone to hell. Well fucking done, Mulder


	7. Finally

# Chapter 7

 

I've collected myself enough to go back to her after about half an hour. I'm trembling at the thought of how this conversation is going to go. I owe it to her though. I owe her whatever truth she wants. I owe her an explanation at the very least. I feel exhausted already too. Breaking your own heart really takes it out of you.

She's sitting on the edge of the bed completely composed as I walk back in. Her shapely legs cross at the knee and her pale feet making a startling contrast to her black trousers. She just looks patiently at me and then smirks a little.

"Nice shirt." She try's to joke to ease the tension. I've changed my shirt since I got so much snot, tears and vomit on my red one. I smile sheepishly at her. "It's just me, Mulder." She reminds me with a soft smile. She must sense my desperation. She stands and walks over to where she was when she was yelling. 

"Want to try it again without the yelling?" She asks with a quirky smile and an arched eyebrow. I stare at her not having a clue what she's talking about. Try what? Making love? She cant be serious. After all this? "I think I said something like 'I better fuck a good memory into her' and you said..." She raises both her eyebrows encouraging me to continue the conversation that happened.

Oh, I get it. She wants me to tell her I love her again. That's pretty damn cruel for her! I guess I can though. I mean, it's true and maybe she wants to hear it for... I dunno... some unfathomable Scully reason. If she liked hearing it then who am I to judge. I'm broken already so what difference does it really make if I day it again.

"I'm in love with you, Scully" It comes out in a barely audible whisper. The complete opposite of screaming it at her like I did the last time. She rushes over to me quickly. I actually jolt back a little as she touches me.

"I'm in love with you too, Mulder" She tells me with the biggest smile and kisses me full on the mouth. She's up on her little tiptoes again. Crushing my mouth to hers. I'm so stunned by what's going on that it takes me awhile to even kiss her back.

What. The. Fuck?!? Did she really say that? Did she mean it? Does she just feel sorry for me? Is this just to get me to take her virginity? She's going a little too far for that isn't she? She just doesn't want to upset me, that's got to be it. I went into full break down mode and she doesn't want to deal with me again. I pull away from her. I don't want her lies. No matter how good they sound.

"Please don't do this to me." I sound like a broken man. I guess I am. I push her arms away from me and she looks hurt. Really hurt.

"What? Do what?" Shes offended and pretty angry. Why? Because I can't stand to hear her tell me such sweet lies. Because I want the truth. I always do.

"Don't lie to me, Scully. Not about this. I can't... I can't take it." I can feel my eyes fill with tears again.

"You think I'm lying to you?" She asks in a shocked tone. "Name one time that I have ever lied to you. I wouldn't lie to you. Especially not about this! Why the hell do you think I asked *you*. I love you, you goddamn moron." Does she really? Is she being serious. The look on her face says she is. She's got a bit of a cheeky grin now. I can't let myself believe this, can I? 

"Scully. Don't, ok. Please just... don't." I can't hear it again. They're the words I've wished to hear coming from her for years but I'm sure she's lying. Is she lying? She has to be. As if Scully could ever love me. That's a fucking laugh. 

"Don't what, Mulder? Huh?! Don't want you so much I can hardly breathe sometimes? Don't love you so much that my heart screams for you? Don't tell you how I feel? Don't show you? Be specific!" She's getting angry again and I do the only thing I can think of to get her to stop yelling before she gets really fired up. I kiss her.

I pull her to me and we kiss through tears. I can't tell if they're just mine or if she's started to cry as well. Is this real? Is she telling the truth? She has to be. Why would she lie about it? Like she said she doesn't lie, not to me. Can she love me? God, I don't know. She sounded honest. Christ!...Holy. Fucking. Shit. She loves *me*. She's *in* love with me. Scully. Loves. *Me*! Ugh, God. How? Why? I can't believe this. My heart soars. I keep kissing her. Her tongue playing over mine quickly. She's moaning constantly. That delicious Scully flavour sending bolts of fire through me.

How did I get this lucky? No, I mean, really? How in the hell?!? Dana Katherine Scully is IN LOVE with me! Jesus! She *loves* me. She grips at me fiercely and hauls my top off in one smooth quick motion. 

"I want you, Sweetie. Please" She breaths out. We're going at each other like we're starving for the other. This is way more passionate than before. She's pulling and pushing at me. I didn't even think that it was possible to be this desperate for someone. She wants me? She *loves* me? Jesus!

Her hands keep skimming over and over my bare flesh. Her mouth leaves mine briefly so she can push me to the bed. I fall with an oof sound. She pulls down my zipper and undoes my jeans. She looks up at me as though asking for permission to remove them. I'm steel hard again. I nod in a jerky motion and she pulls them and my boxers off. She catches my socks on the way down and they come off too.

"I love you, Mulder. God, I love you so much, Sweetheart." I start to formulate a response but she engulfs my cock as deeply as she can at that very moment. She bobs quickly up and down like it's the best thing she's ever had in her mouth. She pulls off by a millimetre "Mmm... You're so big, Mulder. So thick" Then swallow's me down again. Ugh, fuck. My hips buck a little into her eager mouth. I don't want to gag her but what does she expect when she says things like *that*? She was pretty verbal last night too. Who'd have though Scully would verge on dirty talk in the sack. I love that she's like this. "I want you inside of me." She rips off her cardigan and bra. Then she lays down next to me on the bed. 

She fumbles off of her trousers while kissing my throat. I stutter out "Are you sure?" She laughs into a kiss.

"YES" She says loudly. "For God's sake, Mulder. Yes, I'm sure!" She's trembling a little but she's smiling. We're both naked now and I start kissing and licking all over her gorgeous body.

I turn her over softly on to her stomach. I want to explore that sensitive spot I found when I went down on her last night. I pull her hips a little. She understand and goes up onto her knees. I lean under her and lick her centre. I'd forgotten how good she tastes already. I hum deeply in appreciation of her flavour.

"Ugh. Fuck! Hmm... feels so good, Sweetie. So good!." I linger a little. I want to explore that area that made her buck and see how much else she likes but she tastes so damn good. The thought of rimming her tight heart shaped little ass makes my cock pound painfully so I give into my desire and brush my tongue slowly over her perineum. "AH, FUCK!" She hisses out, thrusting herself down onto me. She's warbling out moans continuously and I swipe me tongue over and over that strip of flesh. "Oh! Myyyy! Gooodd! More, Mu, Muld, More"

I push two finger into her dripping wet canal and slowly, so slowly slip my tongue up to her tightly puckered hole. I circle it even slower. Giving her plenty time to stop me or move away "OH! GOD!" She shrieks in shock and, I hope, pleasure. "Yeah essss. Oh. Just like that, Sweetie. Ugh, yes! Feels so good. Nuh, uh, Mulder! Jesus!" I increase the speed of my motions and push my tongue harder into the incredible tightness of her. I don't quite enter. My tongue flicks and pushes roughly at her. She's squirming on top of me. Trying to get more contact. I never thought this would taste so good. How is it possible that she tastes this good even here. It's musky but oh so feminine. Like Scully's natural taste times about a thousand. 

I moan into her ass and she grinds down on me. I pump me fingers into her vagina faster and faster. This is an amazing position to be in! I can reach almost everything I want from here. I pull my soaking fingers out of her and rub them, slick with her moisture, around her clit. Thank God for the ability to multi task! I circle my mouth and fingers so quickly. She keeps gyrating her hips. Working herself up even more. 

"Oh, wha... What's happ... UGH! Muld... I... Oh Jesus." She breaks off and I can feel her shaking and spasming around me. She doesn't yell out but I can tell it's an even more powerful orgasm that the one I gave her last night. She's breathless and she slumps forward. Her face falling down into the pillow. Her hips quiver and I pull out from between her legs. This is heady! This is real! God! I don't know if it was from touching her forbidden opening or from manipulating her clit but that was so fucking intense that she still gasping.

I move up beside her and kiss her forehead. I push away the sweaty hair that's fallen there. She smiles up at me from her position on the pillow. "That was... Jesus, Sweetheart, Thank you." She leans up and kisses me. She looks exhausted already. 

"Don't thank me, baby. That was so beautiful. I love you" I tell her and kiss her more passionately.

This is really happening. We love each other and we're going to make love. Uhh, God. It boggles my mind. We *love* each other. God! I'm in awe that this is real. She starts writhing beneath me. Her hips making involuntary thrusts towards me. I dip my fingers down to her core. Jesus, she really is soaking. I can't get enough of this! I knew she was wet since I was down there but the amazement of it hits me a new. There's drops of her desire dripping down her thighs. It's like niagra falls down there. It's only been minuted but I *have* to taste her again. I bring my fingers up, wet with her juices. I smear the liquid over her plump mouth and kiss her. Sucking her moisture off her. She moans into the kiss. 

Her hand reaches down to rub my swollen cock. She pushes me onto my back. Then lowers her hand to my dick again. Her finger smooths lazily over the precum that's oozing out and brushes what she caught up on to my lips. Then she swoops down on my mouth and kisses off the liquid. Repeating what I'd just done. God, she's hot! 

She lays down next to me again. Spreading her legs wontonly. She tries to pull me on top of her to position my cock at her slick entrance. I shake my head slowly at her. She frowns at me.

"Mulder." It sounds like a warning. "Why the hell not? I'm ready." Christ, is she ever. She's *so* wet. I want this to go well and if I'm on top I won't last two seconds. I find that I last longer with the woman on top. I'm not sure why. I think I get caught up in watching them and forget my own pulsating need. Plus it means that she's in complete control of everything for this first time. The pace, the depth, everything. She'll know when her virgin body has had enough, when to slow down or stop.

"Go on top. It... It'll be easier. At least this first time." She frowns at me but nods her head. She kisses me again and rolls me onto my back. Oh, God. 

She straddles me. Never once breaking the kiss. Her body is shaking like a leaf in the wind. "Take your time, baby." I tell her. I don't want her to rush this and hurt herself. She's a virgin and she's so *tiny* that it will probably hurt regardless of how slow she goes but it might help a little.

She nods "Sorry." She breaths out. As if she's embarrassed by her shaking. I shake my head up at her.

"S'okay, baby. Go slow." She leans over to kiss me again. She takes my aching cock in her hand and positions it at her entrance. Oh, God, yes. Please, Scully, please. Ugh! I need this so badly!

She moves slowly down, engulfing the head of my dick. "Ohwoah, Ohwoah. Jesus, Mulder." She's panting out. She lowers another inch. Her eyes rolling back in her head. I take her hand from the bed and put them on my chest.

"Put your hands here, baby. It'll make it easier." She looks down at me and nods. God, this is incredible! I'm not even all the way inside of her and it's already without question the best moment in my life. 

She takes a loud deep breath through her nose and puffs it out her mouth in a perfect 'o' She takes another breath and looks down at me. "Say it again, Mulder." She says. Her eyes fixed on me and her hand balled up in a fist on my chest. She's hovering on my cock. Only down by about two inches. I don't mean to be egocentric but I'm pretty well endowed so I can see most of myself still wrapped in her dainty hand and not inside of her. 

I stroke up her breasts and gaze into her eyes. "I love you, Scully." I tell her, knowing that's what she wanted to hear. She takes away her hand from my cock and put it with the other on my chest. She takes another shuddering breath and pushes herself down me. Taking me all. Uhhhh... FUCK! She feels amazing! 

"Ohhh... ho... God! OH GODDD!" She screws her eyes up. I'm so terrified I've hurt her. The way she's screwing up her face makes me think I have. She perches on top of my pelvis and I feel her start to pull up.

"Stay still, baby. Let your body get accustomed to it... You feel so fucking amazing." I tell her. I wish she'd open her eyes so I could see those baby blues. "Open your eyes for me, Scully." She pops them open at my command and I can see tears in them "Fuck. Scully, I hurt you. I'm so sorry. We can..." I start saying and try to push her hips up off of me. I never want to hurt her.

"No!" She interrupts me. "No... it feels... Jesus, it feels so good! It's just... God, Mulder, it's. Overwhelming" She pants on top of me. Her eyes go wide and she gazes down at me in a look that's a rare mixture of shock and awe. Like she can't believe how good this feels and that she's actually finally feeling it, with me. 

Her velvet walls squeeze once at my cock. I can tell she did it deliberately to verify that I'm really there. Christ. She feels fucking amazing. I want to flip her over and slam into her until I cum. There will be plenty other time's to screw her til her teeth rattle. This time we'll go at whatever pace she sets.

She's so gorgeous on top of me. Her eyes trusting and her pupils blown so wide, only thin rings of sapphire showing against the black. She's so slick and hot. I feel like I'm engulfed in living fire but in the very best way possible. I can feel her juices dribbling out and touching my pelvic bone. I'm inside of the love of my life! I can die happy. This is so unbelievable! 

She smiles at me and leans down for a lazy kiss. Her stiff nipples brush my chest and I bring my hands up to cup her breasts. They're such a perfect fit. 

"I love you, Sweetheart" She tell's me and starts moving her hips slowly up and down my member. This feels so much better than I ever thought I would. She *so* tight! I've drempt of her like this so many times but they don't even come close. "Ugh, God." She cries out. Her breasts bounce at her movement and I reach back up and tweek her dusky nipple. "Fuck. Ho, yesss!" She plummets back down on to me. She's breathless with pleasure already. I bring my right hand down to where we're joined and rub slow lazy circles over her swollen clit. "Ugh!" She bucks into my hand. 

"Christ, Scully. You feel fucking incredible!" I breathe out. 

"I do?" She seems unsure of herself.

"God, yes! Mmm... so damn good, baby! I love you so much" She takes pride in my words. I can tell. She starts moving faster and faster up and down my shaft. I look down at us. I look like a fucking log jutting in and out of her core. 

She's riding me like a goddamn pro. If I didn't know this was her first time I never would have guessed. Except for the fact that she's so damn snug. Her walls are clutching at me so tightly. It feels incredible! *So* much better than I ever thought. 

"Ugh, fuck! God, you're so deep, Mulder. Hu, so deep!" She slides up and down me. I can already feel myself starting to loose it. So much for lasting longer with her on top. She slamming up and down on me. She drops her head to look down in between us like I did. "OH, JESUS! Fuck. So beautiful. Uh. Hunnn... Christ. You're really inside of me. Huh. Uh. God!" She starts moving even faster. I'm torn between looking up at her face in its delicious rapture and watching my thick swollen shaft slip in and out of her. God, we really are beautiful together. 

I keep rubbing at her clit. My gentle circles getting tighter and tighter as I feel my own orgasm approach me at a faster rate. 

"Oh, God, Yes! Uhh. Do that, Sweetie. Do that!" She slamming up and down on me faster and faster. Her tight body getting even tighter and, if possible getting even wetter. "Mulder. Oh." She's moaning constantly. Her tiny body starting to shake again but not in apprehension this time. She gonna cum. I'm gonna make her cum while I'm inside of her. Christ. I didn't think she would. Not this first time anyway. I didn't think virgins usually did. 

"Mmmulder! God. Oh, God! I... I'm gonna... gonna... ho, Christ. Oh, please!" I can feel my dick swell and my balls pull up. 

"OHHH! I... I LOVE... YOU. UGGHHH" She screams out half a second before my cum erupts into her tight heat enfolding me in ecstasy. Her walls flutter rythmically around me. Gripping me so tightly I can hardly stand it. Her eyes are wide, looking at me with such trust and love. If I didn't believe she loved me before I do now. I've never felt this connected to anyone. Never.

I guess that's the difference between making love and just fucking or having sex. Her spasms stop eventually and she slumps down on me. Our sweat combining. I lazily kiss her and stroke her hair. Her face snuggles into my neck.

After a while she pulls away from me and looks deeply into my eye's "Thank you" She whispers to me. I feel my now flaccid penis fall out if her and we both hiss and moan at the sensation. I wish I could stay inside of her forever. 

She lays down in her side of the bed and starts to cuddle into my side. "Are you ok?" I ask her. I pray to God she is ok. She seemed to have liked it well enough but she's probably hurting now. 

"Mmm hmm. I'm a bit, uhm, I don't really know how to explain it" She laughs a little and closes her eyes. "I feel different. I can't really explain it." She's wearing a blissful smile. 

"But it not sore?" I ask her. Making it clearer what I need to know.

"Mmm... a bit but I'm ok." She shrugs. She's falling asleep already. Is this a Scully trait? Have an orgasm and fall asleep. That's pretty adorable. Then again everything she does is. I get out of bed. "Hmm... come back t'bed, Muller." My mind flashes to this morning when she last said that. She was as perfect then as she is now. 

"I'll just be a sec,baby." I tell her. I got through to the bathroom and wine at how it still smells faintly of vomit. How fucking embarrassing was that. Meh, something amazing come out of it, I guess. 

I grab up a washcloth and soak it in chilled cold water. I relieve myself, wash my hands and any of the places that have our juices lingering. I soak the washcloth once more and take it through with me.

Scully is totally zoked out. Snoring a little bit and she still has a small smile on her face. I reach between her legs to carefully clean her up. I don't want my sticky cum mixed with hers to irritate her newly used vagina. 

"Fuck. Mulder. That's *so* cold!" She gasps out but doesn't move her legs to stop me from wiping the fluids away.

"S'okay, baby. I'm just gonna clean you up a bit." I tell her as I wipe each of her labia. They're so pink, still flushed with the blood of her arousal.

"M'kay, Sweetie. Thanks." She's phasing in and out of sleep and I can tell she's trying to wake up properly. Maybe she wants to talk about all of this. I mean, It was pretty hectic. 

I go and put the washcloth back when I'm done wiping her up. I throw on some sweatpants. She'll probably be a cover hog again and I don't wanna wake up freezing my balls off. I consider putting pyjamas on her too but it'll wake her up too much and I just want to let her sleep. 

"I love you, Scully, so much." I whisper into her ear and kiss her cheek. 

"Mphf... luff too, Muller." She mumbles and throws her hand over my waist. Hugging me close as I pull the covers over us. I could get so used to this perfection in my life. I tuck my nose into her hair and fall asleep with my whole world encompassed by sweet Scully


End file.
